26/52

26/52

"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014." 

Today, Bean decided to skip her nap. Imagine how that went for me. I don't deny being exhausted midday; but, it is really my priority to take care of my little love. After Adam went off to work, we played tea time with her two new "dollies", Peppa and George. It was sweet until I asked her if she wanted to nap...she threw a fit, wildly kicking her legs in the air. So I let her handle it herself. I just sat there and let her be.

"Mommy! Mommy! I'm sad so I want to cry."

"Then cry."

"No, I don't want that."

"Okay, then don't cry."

"No, mommy! Don't say that because I love you."

That last line...she always uses that on me and her daddy. It gets us every time. So after about twenty minutes of hating each other we called it quits. I had my afternoon coffee; she had a sandwich. We sat beside each other; her talking about "things she loves" and "things she doesn't like" like wasps. Occasionally, she'd hint at wanting to go to the beach; I explain to her that she has to get healthier and stronger first.

Then she asked if she could borrow my "white camera" (Instax) to take some pictures.

I took her pictures; but the picture of the plant in the middle was by her.

Have I mentioned that I let Adam go out of town with friends last Friday? Well, I was dead tired by Saturday night...and I am glad he let me had "me" time this morning. I really am glad I married my best friend who is into this parenting thing with me for better or for worse.

Have a great week ahead!

25/52 and a trip without her

25/52

"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014." 

This is the only picture I snapped with my phone this week. I don't know; I'm in a rut. Terrible Two came in late, I guess. It's been a week of instilling discipline with this little nugget. She's been bugging us to let her go to the beach, if not there, Bali--which she insists is her home.

Bean: Mommy, do we have money?

Me: Why? Do you want to buy something?

Bean: Yes, pink tickets to Bali. 

Me: Okay, when we have money we can go there.

Bean: You promise?

See, she's in love with the place, too. Hopefully, we can save up and make this an annual thing. This 52 Project post will only be short this time. Well, unless you want to read about the tantrums Bean has lately.


Anyway, 

we took a day trip to Z-land without Bean last Saturday. We went with Joan and John Paul. The waves were big and messy...waves which people will not surf, not really. But I really want to learn...so I went out. We all did. I did not really understand what happened that day, but I finally did turtle turns/ Eskimo rolls even if I did not want to. I got a stupid injury though while doing this...I bit my lip. Haha. Also, my fin almost hit my face while I was negotiating with this nasty shore break; good thing I have a habit of covering my head! 

I have been pressuring myself lately, and this hinders any kind of progress. I know. I've been there with yoga where instead of letting go and letting be...I was all for it to nail the hard poses (inversions and pretzel-like contortions). I went nowhere. I'd fall over and over again; until one day I read Jois' famous saying, "Practice and all is coming." And in half a year, I was able to do inversions without a wall to catch a fall. I was no longer aiming to do a headstand; I just practiced my yoga everyday for the joy of it--because it makes me feel good and happy.

This is what I am trying to do with surfing right now. So what if I look awkward or stupid paddling like a sissy? So what if I wipeout? So what? What matters is it makes me feel like I am on top of the world.

24/52

24/52

"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."

I am posting this late because I have been busy taking care of Bean since last week. She had a case of Amebiasis and developed a Urinary Tract Infection.

Last Monday was ordinary. No, maybe it was a bit special for her because she rarely sees her cousins Jammie and Joaqs. She played with them all afternoon and even snacked on pizza. We even laughed together before I put her to sleep. It was a bit off though that she slept early. It was weird because she was talking in her sleep; I had a hunch that she was sick...to my surprise she had a fever as high as 39.9. Aside from that she was beginning to have diarrhea.

We went to get her checked in the morning. Her doctor suggested to confine her as she was beginning to get dehydrated. So we did. We thought we were only staying the night, but we were there from Tuesday to Friday.

I can say that I am proud of our girl for braving this experience. In the E.R. we were asked to go out when they needed to put her dextrose on. I can hear her shouting on the top of her lungs, "Mommy! Mommy! Help me, Mommy!" I wanted to cry while I was talking to the doctor. Out of desperation I heard her say to the nurse, "Can you please just hold my hand? I'm afraid. Please hold my hand." At that my heart was breaking.

During the days we were there she'd constantly complain of tummy pains. She'd twist and turn and cry to me, "Mommy do something. Please make me feel better." And this experience, I realize, was very traumatic for me. This experience confirmed that we love this little girl above all. Most days I am consumed of my being tired; at night I easily sleep. I sleep between conversations with Adam...but in my heart I would give anything just to make everything okay for our little love.

We promised her we'd be in the beach this weekend; but sadly we have to break it and leave her here in the city. A while ago I thought it would be selfish of me to go; but it would be more selfish if we bring her with us at this stage where she is still recuperating.

I will miss you this Saturday little sea creature. We promise more beach trips to come!

22 & 23/52 and something about disappointment and changes

22/52

"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."

These are photos of Bean I snapped one weekend ago while me and Adam were busy cleaning up the room. She just sat on one corner, picked up a book and looked through the pages. I say "looked through the pages" because I know that we are still in the process of teaching her to read. She knows all the letters and their sounds, she can write some of them too. She talks like a 10 year old though, which surprises me, really. This particular afternoon I asked her what she's doing to which she replied, "Just nothing, mommy. So that I will not disturb you."

23/52

These were taken this weekend after she cried non-stop on the shore after being *ehem* bullied by a boy introducing her to the "real world". It's not really hard to make her happy, the beach is one thing that gives her joy. And we can't be thankful enough because it makes it easier to fulfill that dream of becoming better at surfing. It was also nice that she felt at home instantly with her new friends: tita ninang, tita friend, and tito "what's his name?"

something about disappointment and changes

We were excited for this trip. Because the last real surf we had was in Bali. Two months without surfing really did me bad, and I didn't know until this weekend. With a new board, it also made things harder for me (because Adam always seems to do it easily).

We brought with us some friends: Kirsten (my cousin), John Paul (Adam's friend), and Joan (my friend). It was fun, for a change, because it was usually just us three. I am grateful for the extra hands; I really am.

I tried really hard not to let it get to me, but it did. Not being able to properly paddle my shorter board, and always either missing the wave or nose diving the first day brought my confidence down to zero. That was it for me. Honestly, I was lost and I wanted somebody to tell me what's wrong, and what I should do. But I realized, nobody really learns the easy way. I have come to realize that in order to be good I should be able to deal with failure first. I have always used a 9'0" or an 8'6"...and adjusting to a 7'5" isn't really a smooth transition for me. I have decided to just accept that this situation already happened and that I will move on. The waves will keep coming, and I will just keep on paddling. I will just have to try harder and avoid hesitating next time.

Figuring out my balance on my new board.

I am glad that our friends had a great time in the water despite the way I felt about my performance. I feel good about sharing the stoke. Sorry, JP...there aren't any pictures of you, but thank you for taking some of the pictures!

Joan

Kirsten

On Sunday morning, the waves were  big, and we got to see the big kids play! Oh how beautiful Tamara Benitez and Camille Pilar surfed. One day. One day maybe I will be able to be just like them. Patience.

Camille Pilar

Tamara Benitez

And of course, I am so proud of my husband because he surfed well out there too. Please, Adam, help me become better too! :)

surfing with a toddler

This was supposed to be a post regarding my 52 Project but I left my camera at my parents' house so for today, I will be posting something different.

I always knew one day I'd write about this. Maybe because deep inside I want to share the stoke with my friends and family (or any stranger for that matter). Maybe because I want to give hope to those women (and men) who think that it's the end of having fun once you are parents. No, it really isn't; it's all up to you. Here are a few things I'd like to share about how we are able to surf with our toddler.

Ha! Toddlers may look cute and adorable, but they drain the life out of you even before you hit the water!

1. Have a rest the day before the trip.

I usually refrain from working out and try to sleep as early as I can before we leave the next day. Even just the drive to your destination would require you to expend your energy entertaining your toddler (and husband).

2. Accept the fact that you will not be able to surf together (but being able to would be such a treat!).

Of course, as much as you'd want to be together in the water, this is just impossible! Who would look after your kid in the shore or in the water? As if he/she could stay and snap some photos of you guys. So accepting the reality that you need to take turns surfing is inevitable. Enjoying what is possible at the moment is very important. Though, if friends or family offer to watch your kid for 3o minutes to an hour would really be great! *ehem*

3. Be patient.

Yes. Patience. It does seem impossible to keep calm and surf when you're itching to...but then you need to make sure your kid eats, stays hydrated, is happy and entertained...plus that never ending routine of SUNBLOCK application. This comes easy for me. I think I was born to raise kids. I like making sure everything is fine when it comes to my daughter.

4. Let your kid have her share of fun.

I know, it's supposed to be "your" trip...and you just "had" to bring your kid. No. This is the wrong mentality to have. It should be: "This is our trip and I am glad we are all together to share this experience." This has to come from your heart though, not just your mind. After all, looking back, you'd be so thrilled that you once had the opportunity to have spent this time with your child as they grow up really fast.

5. Think of the situation as helping your child grow and giving her opportunities.

Yes, I am proud to say that our daughter loves the water, the surf, and the people. At first she'd go ballistic just hearing the sound of the waves. One day, I just had enough of her whining whenever we watched her daddy surf so I made it look like fun to her. I carried her in the white wash and just laughed there with her. I tried to show her what a good time I was having. After I'd seen a few smiles, I put her down and held her hand; we just jumped over the water over and over. This moment was full of joy that I usually replay this in my head when I am having a hard time at the beach. Now Bean is brave enough to learn to swim, and usually she'd ask to go farther out to the deep blue sea!

6. Finally, there is love.

If you do not treat your child as a burden or obstacle in doing the things you love--he or she will never be. Keep in mind that you have created this life together out of love (and not just lust hopefully). There is no harm in feeling tired or pissed, that's just us being human...the important thing is that we continue to love our children and keep them involved in our lives. When I come to think of it, when I was a kid I found it a drag when our parents would bring us to their company outings and out of town trips. But now that I am older, I am so happy that I got to share those moments with them, after all...we only have a limited time on this earth...what better way to share it with the people you love?

I may have missed a few tips here and there, but mostly those are the important things to keep in mind. So, mommies and daddies....go and chase your dreams! Go surf!