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on life, motherhood, friendship and yoga


Lately, life is bittersweet. I admit to being in a slump and not feeling like my normal self at all like I've been swimming in all the negativity for months. Putting a stop to this was and still is very hard for me but I am glad that progress is here.

Our days are filled with busyness that sometimes I cannot cope. Adam leaves early for work at around 6:30 am and doesn't get home until 6 pm. I wake up early with my girls and do the usual school run. I prepare our meals, help with Bean's homework and take care and play with Eleanor. There are tons of things I would like to do for myself and goals I'd want to accomplish but accepting that now is not the time for those things has finally settled on me. I am not in a hurry because I want life to pass by slowly. I have all the time in the world and the only one pressuring me is myself.

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I am not a perfect mother, mind you. I love motherhood but the pictures I upload on social media is only a fragment of my life. On my IG stories you will find snippets of our "real world" daily. Bean and I argue a lot and some days I just break down when I am overwhelmed with my kids. The laundry isn't fixed all the time and our food isn't always "healthy," and I am okay with that. We mothers do what we can and that is what matters. Two days ago while driving Bean to school traffic was so bad that I cursed a van of nuns because they didn't follow traffic rules. My daughter scolded me for the profanities that came out of my mouth. And there I was embarrassed because Bean told me to keep it to myself.

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A few weeks ago I picked a fight with my husband. Not because he did anything wrong; it was just me being defensive--because there was an unresolved issue in my head that I couldn't quite voice out. in the middle of our fight he told me to just say what I want, say what I mean and say what really was bothering me. So I told him how my friends and I just grew apart, how everyone is so busy and that I felt alone. I also felt that I've lost the one friend I had left whom I thought was my best friend. So he comforted me and assured me that everything was okay.he asked me to take a look at our kids and our life and asked me..."are you not happy and content?" 

I realized that everything I needed and wanted was already in front of me. Then and there was my best friend all along, comforting me and telling me what wonders life has in store for us as long as we're in it together. And this was the beginning of my healing.

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I started practicing yoga halfway through 2013 after losing my cousin. I was in so much grief and I accidentally stumbled upon yoga because of the desire to have a Miranda Kerr body. LOL. Don't ask. Anyway, I have been practicing Ashtanga since then until I got pregnant and gave birth last year. At first I was doing it because it felt good physically, mentally and emotionally.  But as  time passed I was doing it for the wrong reasons: to get stronger fast to surf better, to not get fat and to perfect a pose--until I got a bad back and shoulder injury that I had to stop...timely that was also the time I was on baby number 2 so yoga had to take a back seat.But I did practice on and off during pregnancy.

After giving birth I wanted to lose the pregnancy weight fast and my husband advised me to take up running. And while I did come to love it and shed most of my post baby weight....I felt empty. Like I had a phantom limb. I realized that I miss yoga so much. It was more than a physical practice to me and I was just distracted by my desire to lose some weight. 

So I renewed my relationship with this practice and started from scratch. It's been a week and I feel so much better and much more positive than last month. I aim to progress but to just do what I can at the moment. I keep this in mind all the time: practice and all is coming. I am still not able to make my crow fly consistently but I believe that one day it will! 

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I bought Rupi Kaur's second book, "The Sun and her Flowers," and I feel so inspired. I like poetry but I was never a fan until now. I feel like I need to make space for poetry books in my shelves (or Kindle Library.) She has a very creative way of expressing how girls and women feel about their bodies, their beauty, pain and difficulties.  If you haven't read it yet, I suggest that you do!

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Another form of easing my anxiety is painting. I started painting flowers again and I feel so good.