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Slowly Getting There


Phew! Two months into being a mother of two leaves me in a state of confusion most of the time. I always have to decide who to prioritize first, Bean or Ellie; Ellie or Bean? It is already a struggle for me because I am used to being there for my eldest 24/7. I thought I was the only one who was going to have a had time; although I knew Bean would be in for a few adjustments...I never thought it would cause her such heartbreak.

She would always ask me, "Why always, Ellie, mama?" "Can I play with you LIKE WE USED TO?" "How come you're too tired to play with me?" "Remember we used to do art together? Now we don't anymore."

God knows how much I miss those things! And I cry about it when I'm alone. Because Ellie is still super dependent I know I have to take care of her, at the same time I want to fulfill every need of our five year old girl.



I openly talk about it on social media...that my daughter is my best friend--and she really is. So I talk to her about it all the time. I explain to her that her sister would grow up soon and she can be our best friend, too. But for now she needs to understand that a baby cannot fend for herself and that babies need to be taken care of until they get a little older. Well, she always says, "Yes, mama," but most of the time she still forgets. But I am glad she is vocal about how much she loves her sister and how she can't wait for them to get to play together.

A piece of advice I got from my husband is this: (thank the heavens he has the answers when I'm a little lost!)

Spend more time with Bean and let others help out in taking care of Ellie because the baby is not conscious yet and will not remember anything as of now. As for Bean, she might get the idea that she is put in second place. Spend more time with her and extend more patience so she will remember a happy childhood instead of the jealousy she feels. 

I agree with Adam. But as a mother, I also really want to take care of our baby. So here I am taking this advice a little bit everyday. Bean and I rarely fight about small things now. Maybe it's me getting into the groove of things or her starting to understand the situation.



Things are getting better as the days pass...and our little family is excited for the Holidays. It's going to be a busy month and I am already in a state of panic thinking of how to balance parenting, house work, cooking for the holidays, Bean's schedule in school, repainting and redecorating our home, slowly getting back to yoga and some cardio...and of course, to start surfing again.

One day at a time. I remind myself. One day at a time.

Blessings to you this Christmas season!