of the sea (la union weekend trip)

when i met my husband, he was starting out with surfing--i was always of the sea. from 2004-2009 i was almost by the sea every weekend because my family has a house there. i loved the comfort it gave me. it seems that my problems instantly vanish, like magic. but, people grow up, and people get busy. so, i stopped going to the sea, my husband stopped learning to surf. we got married and had a baby...there was no time to be one with the sea.

but hey, sometimes fate does wonders. as our daughter grows, travel becomes easier (no more crying baby in the car). so we started to bring her to the beach little by little. she has already gone three times, this weekend was her fourth. we went to san juan, la union because adam wanted to go practice. i thought i wasn't going to enjoy the trip much as i am kind of exhausted from work lately, however, people were kind and all smiles so...i did enjoy. i didn't get a chance to go into the water though because my little girl insisted on socializing, you know, being quite a charmer when she's in the mood. though i am tired from the trip, i'm happy i got to snap a few photos.

having a toddler in tow really drains the energy out of me. i was supposed to do yoga, but hey there were more, "no, mama, no's!" oh well. one day i will certainly miss her being clingy. we spent the first day playing under a bit of drizzle, watching surfers, people watching. there were few famous acquaintances too...like PSA's paolo soler, and of course the owner of the surf school there, luke landrigan. they were nice enough to chat for a while and to take photos with our little girl. she calls them her surfer friends--"where's surfer, mama? where is he?"

while my husband was busy in the water, me and bean just spent our time on the shore or on the resort premises, barefoot--hopping, running.

we had an early dinner, and an early bedtime because we were so very tired. and i had a splitting headache! the next day we woke up early to go wave watching. the husband went in for another round in the sea. me and my girl played with sand and had a mini-fight because she wanted to go color, i wanted to go take pictures. hehe.

here is bean with luke landrigan. the owner of the place, and one of the best surfers in the country. his little boy is charming too.

it was one great weekend

...and once more,

i am falling in love with the sea.

Project No. 4

"You are a woman. Skin and bones,

veins and nerves, hair and sweat.

You are not made of metaphors. Not

apologies, not excuses."

-Sarah Kay ("The Type")

I will be posting this early because we are out of town tomorrow. I purposely took a simple shot of my face, super up close. Those lines that inspired me to choose it as theme of the week really got to me. Yes, I am a woman. Just a few years ago, I became one--at 26. Late, right? The story goes way back, and you know, appearance does deceive. When my husband met me, he thought I was a woman oozing out confidence. He was wrong. A week into the relationship he saw me for what I really am--an insecure female with an eating disorder that empowered me to be all that I was. It consumed me, eventually it became me. I will not eat to feel alive, to feel beautiful, to feel how life is worth living. Ironic.


I needed to starve myself to feel beautiful. If I ate in the morning, I'd refuse to go out the whole day...because I'd feel ugly and fat. I'd double my time running, sometimes the two sets of one hour runs would be a two hour run straight. And I felt proud of myself for the discipline. Even if my stomach would ache, even when there were days I couldn't get out of bed. Even when my hair started to fall out, and my period was disappearing--I felt beautiful; I felt powerful.

Love does change you, if you find the right kind of love you deserve. I started to value food because of my love for my husband. I ate because he felt sad eating alone, or eating what's on my plate. I started to eat well because I wanted to sprout a little life, too. And when that little life came, I ate regular meals (though I feel guilty still for measuring my food). This is only a part of a bigger mess that I was then.

Twice the love made me a woman. Love from my husband, and love from my daughter. She made me realize how beauty is not found only in you, but how you share the beauty of life with others. I am no longer ashamed of who I am. And now, starving does not empower me...maybe a red lip does!

My Favorite Artist

I have a new favorite artist. She's just beginning, but I like her work. This artist spends hours painting, mixing colors, and just practicing her skills. The best thing is, this artist loves me so much!

I was just always curious when my daughter will start to appreciate art. Before she turned a year old, I let her try holding on to crayons just to see if she understood the concept of putting it on paper. Well from that moment on a box of crayons and a few coloring books were always a staple in our home. Now that she's two years old, I let her try out some watercolor. Because she knows most of the colors found in a box of 16 crayons, I thought that maybe she'd enjoy another medium to work with. And voila! Here it is--her every first art work done all by herself.

I spent a few minutes teaching her how to dip the brush in water, dab it onto a tissue to get some water out, choose a color from her set of Prang, and then to apply it on the paper. She got it right then and there. I know it looks like "baby abstract art" but I couldn't be any prouder!

As days pass, my baby is disappearing and a little girl is right in front of my eyes. Just this week, she started to go to bed by herself--not beside me, but on her own bed. She'd just say, "Mama, I go to sleep." and walks away. She does this during daytime naps, too. Oh, I sometimes miss those days she'd cling to me like crazy. I have so much love for this girl right here.

Project No. 3

"To be loved by someone is to realize how much they share the same needs that lie at the heart of our own attraction to them. Albert Camus suggested that we fall in love with people because, from the outside, they look so whole, physically whole and emotionally 'together' - when subjectively we feel dispersed and confused. We would not love if there were no lack within us, but we are offended by the discovery of a similar lack in the other. Expecting to find the answer, we find only the duplicate of our own problem.”
― Alain de Botton, On Love

I had a hard time thinking of what to do with this week's theme. I read the lines about five times, seeming to get lost, yet I couldn't help the familiarity it brings me. I was once lost and searching for love. And yes, subjectively, it can be 'perfect' at first, or it manifests to be. As two people get to know one another, the cracks begin to show--and there you are--two people lacking some things, here and there. You are not really a perfect fit, but you can make it out to be. It's just what it is.

Oh, well...this love brought me a little girl who is snoring beside me. 

You can see my friend, Lora's work on her flickr account. 

The Hardest and Toughest Job

I was browsing my Facebook feed when I saw a friend post this video. I didn't exactly know what it contained, but her caption said it was about mothers. So clicked on it to watch. This video literally made me cry.

The first few seconds of the clip will show you how mothers take care of their children--a daily routine of waking them up, preparing their food, getting them ready for school. A routine that at some moments in our life we take for granted. And then the second half of the video shows the children all grown up--grown into talented people. Behind it--their mothers.

It made me cry because I feel what the video wanted to convey. I, a mother, love my daughter in a way  I can't measure; I will not stop at anything just to be sure she has everything she needs, that she is well taken care of. And even if it is not perfect, she should always have the best. I will do anything, give everything for this little life to grow up the way she deserves.

I'm sure almost everyone feels the same; mothers towards their children and children towards their mothers.

Thanks, mom.
I love you.

Project No. 2

We were like matching bookends, 

almost touching but with volumes between us and stories, 

so many stories.

-Iisa J. Bick

It is week two of our photo project. I found it hard to make a picture this week as I am taking care of my sick little girl (besides work and household chores). 

That line above, I chose it as our theme this week because most times that's how I feel towards myself. I am still me, but motherhood changed me a lot. The new responsibilities and new priorities gave birth to a better version of me; but somehow, I lost a bit of the good stuff the former me possessed. It is quite hard to put on paper. I am still me, but I've grown so far from who I used to be--with volumes between us and stories, so many stories.

You can see my friend Lora's work on her flickr account.

Project

I haven't been taking pictures for a while, a long while. And I always find myself reminiscing about the time I was so in love with creating images...too much that it was all I do, all I think of, and all that I dreamed. I had (still have) a friend who shares the same love for creating images; most times I think she loves it more than me. And I like that, because she is a constant reminder and inspiration when I feel lacking. Almost a week ago, she suggested we do a kind of project/collaboration wherein we take turns thinking of themes, and then make a picture of how we interpret the said "theme". We need to post it at the same day, a deadline. For our first post the theme is "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" by Carole King.

And you can see Lora's work in her flickr account.

I am liking this project. And I hope to do more. Thanks, Lora! Let's keep at it until our hair turns white. Cheers to friendship!