Quarantine

My gosh. How long has it been? I haven't opened up this space for a long time. You see, life's been busy and my laptop is too slow too process everything. We need an upgrade but we're still saving up for that. The coming months are when we pay fees for school--priorities of course.

It has been 2.5 months of staying at home. I feel bad that our government doesn't really care or prioritize the people. It's like "survival of the fittest" here in our country. When our children ask us how long until we can go out we sugar coat the things we say: "a little more time" "when there are no more sick people" "we're sorry but it looks like it will take a little longer."

Ellie was quite heartbroken because school will be online. You see, it will be her first year going and she was so excited so breaking the news to her was painful for me, too. Bean misses her classmates and still doesn't know how she feels about the situation.

I'm the kind of mother who would build a fairy tale world for my kids but we also give them a dose of reality. Things are dire right now and there's nothing we can do about it. So we live daily doing what we can with the time we have. Mostly our day will be filled with preparing meals, cleaning up, art, Netflix, games and some school activities to prepare Eleanor. She can now write her name.

Bean at 8 years old is more into gaming and reading. She can build fantastic worlds in Minecraft; cute farms in Stardew Valley, and breed different creatures in Pokemon. She loves to read still--now adventure books and short novels.

Ellie is so into painting lately that I hoarded paper online. She paints the rainbow and characters from My Little Pony. She loves it when her work is filled with color. One thing I find different about her is that we have to force her to use an ipad when w have to do something. She'd rather be bored and sing songs than force herself to use it--so we don't have much trouble with her screen time.

Adam spent this whole quarantine working, playing the guitar and games on the Play Station. He is also the one running errands to minimize people who go out of the house. And I am so grateful.

As for me, I've been playing the ukele, trying to translate the songs I know to the guitar. I am also painting again and still doing digital art. I've had two ulcer attacks this quarantine which prompted me to change the way I eat. I have also been doing HIIT workouts which made me stronger.

I know this time in our life isn't the greatest. Adam and I usually talk about our worries and decided to live each day to the fullest and do the things we can at the moment. Hopefully this pandemic ends soon (though I really doubt it because of how the government and many citizens are handling it.) We want to travel, or just get out of the house. 

I really don't want a NEW NORMAL....I just want the old normal back.

this space

It's been so long since I have opened my laptop and updated this space. I have also thought about giving this up but somehow I can't. I've been writing down my feelings and thoughts in blogs since I was a teen so....there's that. Another thing that keeps me from giving this space up is because there is too much happy memories recorded in here. So I decided to give it time and keep going.

A lot has happened in a year-- and I must admit that my mental health seems to be unstable. I haven't been vocal about it and I don't plan to be-- but to address this for myself: YES, have been suffering from anxiety for years. Not just the "gets you nervous" kind but the crippling kind. And I have been blessed to have a husband who understands and explains to me what is happening and tells me what I can do to manage it. I think I wouldn't have come this far if  it weren't for him and our little girls.

We have also been so busy ever since Bean started second grade--lots of homework, quizzes, school events. We celebrated her 8th birthday, too! Also, Ellie is at the stage where she's learning--ABC's and counting...ah but what she didn't get from me and Bean is an interest for the arts. She just doesn't like to draw or paint. She's good at molding play doh though. That's her favorite right now.

Aside from mothering--which is mainly my jam....I get by playing games on my Switch; reading books, BTS, Netflix and going to the gym twice or thrice a week. Adam and I decided to focus on our fitness and health since we can already feel signs of being in our 30's lol.

I have thought about it over and over and I don't want to spend my days planning and planning. I want to start DOING. Instead of writing down things on my to-do list I should make a conscious effort to do them so that they don't remain words on a piece of paper. Little by little I am starting to paint again. I make sure to not spend all of my mama breaks on playing games--I make sure to finish a book a week or do something creative.

Just over the weekend I bought bouquets of flowers to dry and craft something; my husband bought me glass frames and candles to my aesthetic liking...I have been feeling inspired after a long time--inspired to create and manifest the life I want to live.

Woman Crush Wendsday (WCW): Lindsay Perry

Step by step I am building my confidence in and out of the water, as a wife, as a mother, and as a woman. I continue to find daily inspiration...whether it be talent, beauty, health, fitness. This is the first post of a series (hopefully, I will be able to do more posts like this). So my first WCW inspiration is: Lindsay Perry- a girl who is into art, writing, making music, modelling and surfing! Check her out: Lindsea

All images from Lindsay Perry

I find her beautiful, talented, hot...and that hair! I love!

Project No. 2

We were like matching bookends, 

almost touching but with volumes between us and stories, 

so many stories.

-Iisa J. Bick

It is week two of our photo project. I found it hard to make a picture this week as I am taking care of my sick little girl (besides work and household chores). 

That line above, I chose it as our theme this week because most times that's how I feel towards myself. I am still me, but motherhood changed me a lot. The new responsibilities and new priorities gave birth to a better version of me; but somehow, I lost a bit of the good stuff the former me possessed. It is quite hard to put on paper. I am still me, but I've grown so far from who I used to be--with volumes between us and stories, so many stories.

You can see my friend Lora's work on her flickr account.