Quarantine

My gosh. How long has it been? I haven't opened up this space for a long time. You see, life's been busy and my laptop is too slow too process everything. We need an upgrade but we're still saving up for that. The coming months are when we pay fees for school--priorities of course.

It has been 2.5 months of staying at home. I feel bad that our government doesn't really care or prioritize the people. It's like "survival of the fittest" here in our country. When our children ask us how long until we can go out we sugar coat the things we say: "a little more time" "when there are no more sick people" "we're sorry but it looks like it will take a little longer."

Ellie was quite heartbroken because school will be online. You see, it will be her first year going and she was so excited so breaking the news to her was painful for me, too. Bean misses her classmates and still doesn't know how she feels about the situation.

I'm the kind of mother who would build a fairy tale world for my kids but we also give them a dose of reality. Things are dire right now and there's nothing we can do about it. So we live daily doing what we can with the time we have. Mostly our day will be filled with preparing meals, cleaning up, art, Netflix, games and some school activities to prepare Eleanor. She can now write her name.

Bean at 8 years old is more into gaming and reading. She can build fantastic worlds in Minecraft; cute farms in Stardew Valley, and breed different creatures in Pokemon. She loves to read still--now adventure books and short novels.

Ellie is so into painting lately that I hoarded paper online. She paints the rainbow and characters from My Little Pony. She loves it when her work is filled with color. One thing I find different about her is that we have to force her to use an ipad when w have to do something. She'd rather be bored and sing songs than force herself to use it--so we don't have much trouble with her screen time.

Adam spent this whole quarantine working, playing the guitar and games on the Play Station. He is also the one running errands to minimize people who go out of the house. And I am so grateful.

As for me, I've been playing the ukele, trying to translate the songs I know to the guitar. I am also painting again and still doing digital art. I've had two ulcer attacks this quarantine which prompted me to change the way I eat. I have also been doing HIIT workouts which made me stronger.

I know this time in our life isn't the greatest. Adam and I usually talk about our worries and decided to live each day to the fullest and do the things we can at the moment. Hopefully this pandemic ends soon (though I really doubt it because of how the government and many citizens are handling it.) We want to travel, or just get out of the house. 

I really don't want a NEW NORMAL....I just want the old normal back.

realizations, truths and new adventures

2017 started out great for us--we got to surf, we had a nanny for the littlest, we went back to the place where we felt home and welcomed...but it all went a little downhill for a while. This post may come out a bit unedited for the sole reason that I just got too tired...tired of being the good person, tired of being quiet and suppressing each and everything that I feel for the sake of others. I crave for change, a reinvention...this might be caused by my post partum self...or maybe not but I am happy to do this. I am happy to begin.

In the middle of January, we asked our nanny to get an X-ray because both our kids have been having cough and colds on and off since December. It shocked me that she got mad and asked us if she could already leave! So, we let her go but a week after she sent us a message telling us to get the girls checked because she has tuberculosis. Imagine the horror I felt! And so we got them tested and sadly, little Ellie has primary complex. She is now on medication until August. I hate this situation, mostly because administering three kinds of medicine to a baby isn't a walk in the park! It takes precision and patience mostly now that I am without help of a nanny and taking care of two kids.

I tried hard to develop a routine for us while Adam is at work. I'd wake up extra early to prepare Bean's lunchbox...and then I check if there is someone I can leave Ellie with so I can drive Bean to school. During the times that there isn't anybody, Ellie comes with us. While Bean is in school I feed Ellie and she takes her morning nap wherein I prepare in advance our lunch and our dinner. When she decides not to nap then it's another day for takeout. I/ we fetch Bean, have lunch and then Ellie will feed and take her longest nap of the day where Bean does her homework and where I wash her bottles and either do yoga, paint or if there are more house chores this is the time to I can accomplish them. When Ellie wakes up, we take a walk outside and then I give the kids a bath and then dinner and sleep. Most of the time I try to wait up for my husband but he usually comes home and I am already in la la land.

Come mid-February I have been feeling really down because of feeling rejected. For almost four years there's a place that felt like home to us...and people I thought who cared...but to my surprise it was just one way, I guess? But I don't want this incident to leave a negative effect with my feelings towards the place because looking at the bigger picture...it wasn't just those people that mattered....everything else except for them were the things that mattered to me.

March came and prompted me to re-think the things that are important to me, the things I want to do and what I want in this life. It's quite simple, really! What's important to me is my family. The things I want to do is to continue doing art, yoga, surfing and to fix this little blog of mine! In this life,  want to express who I really am and how I really feel through the things I paint, the words I write, the clothes I wear, the music I listen to, and how I interact with the people that matter and just be happy about it. I just want to live a happy life with my family.

It might come as a surprise but even though my SIL is younger than me, we've gotten close over the years. We have daily conversations (face to face or on Messenger) about everything under the sun! This May our whole family will be going to Korea again and we're so excited because we have decided that this is the time to live our #ootd dreams! So I have been preoccupied coming up with clothing combinations for myself and our girls. It's fun for me and it makes me look forward to our trip (because plane rides terrify me.)

April--we have our annual trip to our beach house during Holy Week and this is the time of the year we spend with my mother's side of the family--my aunts, uncles and cousins. I look forward to this trip and it always makes me giddy with excitement because my cousins are a whole lot of fun to be with! Also, it's Ellie's first time there. Our stay was extremely hot which made the baby quite irritable save for the times she stayed in the air conditioned room! But she was such a trooper because when the sun starts to set and the air becomes a little cool then she'll have her fun! Our stay was fun....my brothers, SIL, cousins and even my nephew went to take surfing lessons while me and Adam surfed. I am beyond stoked to be back in the water!

Bougainvilleas were also in bloom, so I told Adam (my official #instagramhusband) that I wanted to take pictures. But actually, my SIL and I have already planned to take pictures and we were already prepared for it. lol! While Bean and her cousing Winter were playing, we took Ellie with us during the shoot. It was hot and humid but the place was just stunning!

Summer and the second quarter of the year has just begun and I am already feeling optimistic about this change I am making. Thank God for the bad things that happened because if not for them I wouldn't have realized what the important things in my life are.