Hi! It's been a long while. I have a lot of drafts in here since 2021 as I have always wanted to be present in this corner of the internet again. It is now 2026 and a lot has happened in my life. My littles are not so little anymore and there has been a lot of pain, hurt, growth and letting go that has passed and is still passing.
I am by no means a writer, but I have been typing up words since Xanga and LiveJournal. This space has been the longest one so far. I have thought of starting a new one, but for now I will stick with this. It has so much history to me.
2025 was a whirlwind to say the least. Me and my anxiety and 9 months out of 12 watching Adam train for a competition in Singapore for Ultimate and eventually learning the sport, too. We always bring the kids along no matter how much of a challenge it was. Then there was an event which resulted in cancelled plans and cancelled flights--another adjustment to a life that was still adjusting. And it is hard. So in the last month of last year, me and Adam just took it slow. Timely, the final season of one of our favorite shows was up. We cozied up watching the finale season for Stranger Things which gave me all the feels and all the blues. Saying goodbye to a show that feels like family is heartbreaking, mostly when the theme of the show made me nostalgic of my childhood and my journey towards being an adult.
And on to some more stranger things-- on the first week of 2026...I woke up to a message from a long time friend who told me she wanted to take a step back from our friendship as she is unable to hold space for me at the moment. I don't want to dwell on the details of her message but it made me think...yes I do share my issues and problems and I would have acknowledged if it was too much sharing. She called it an "imbalance" but I never stopped her from sharing anything with me at all in order for her to be "seen." So if a step back is what that friend needs, who am I to say no? I was not given a choice anyway. From my perspective I was just being a friend. I was being true and I know I gave it my all and my loyalty. I was blindsided and hurt but such is life. We move on.
Living with anxiety and so much feelings is a feat--a daily challenge that makes you just face it even when you aren't ready. My days are back to school run, daily movement, journaling and some of my hobbies and passions. I cleaned up my cameras with the goal of documenting my life just like I used to. Just like when I was in a healthier mental compared to now.
This week has been quiet and filled with introspection. Hoping the rest of 2026 would be good, but even if it comes with challenges, it is good to know I have my people. And they have me.
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