First Trip of the Year

Last weekend was the first surf trip we took for this year. Yes, I'm still calling it a "SURF" trip even though the doctor said I still couldn't surf. I am calling it that because everyone was out in the water, anyway. I don't deny the bitterness in my statement because I have been a "Scrooge" since December. Oh well. Oh my.

Anyway, there is nothing else to do but wait, right? To continue, we left the city at noon last Saturday and arrived near evening. Our board finally got repaired and this though occurred to me: "The board easily got fixed but why not me?" Thus started the negativity.

But I'm not such a bad person to let it affect others. I went about doing calligraphy by the sea, playing with my daughter and taking pictures of Adam and our friends out in the water.

I have been looking at the bad things for too long that I failed to see the bigger picture. Here are some of the things that I realized:

1. There are things I cannot control. Things happen, bad things happen, and worse things than the bad happen. I am thankful that it is just this injury that I am dealing with.

2. Not being able to surf is nothing big. Yes, I am such a sourpuss but it will come. The day will come that I can be back out there but it is better to go back strong than damaged.

3. I have a wonderful daughter and husband who are helping me get through this. A husband who works all day and still volunteers to do most of the chores at home to help me rest. A daughter who continuously reminds me that I can be great in many things other than surfing. I have a family that supports me even when I'm on rock bottom.

4. No water time means I can have more time for taking pictures.

5. No water time made me progress faster in calligraphy.

6. Being very negative lately made me realize which people stayed. It made me weed out the friends who are worth keeping and those that can be disposed of.

Well, there are other things that were made clearer to me with this situation but those I have written are the ones that stood out.

The waves were clean and I had fun watching everyone surf. Seeing their stoked faces was priceless. Honestly, one of my major worries about not being able to be in the water is being disappointed in myself once I am allowed to surf again. I am terrified of finding out that I forgot all about it and having to start all over again. But when I see my friends paddle for a wave I can still feel it. I feel how the water touches me, how my arms dig in when I paddle, how the board glides with the wave, the feeling of popping up and riding that wave. Somewhere in me I believe I haven't forgotten and I hope so bad that I haven't. In any case, this situation is already here and I can't do anything about it. I feel mostly okay now, I haven't felt any major pain for close to three weeks and I can feel that I will be back in the water soon enough.

Crossing my fingers!

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I'm almost fixed. I can feel it.

Hello, 2016!

While the previous year concluded roughly, I do not want to be starting 2016 on a negative note. Yes, really. And so to avoid ranting about anything else I'll get straight to the point. I have listed a few goals I want to accomplish this year. I do not really believe in annual resolutions but setting goals just feels so fresh every January. Doesn't it? For me, anyway.

So here are mine (not in any order):

1. Heal and rest my body.

   I know, it seems to be redundant that I complain about not being able to surf or do yoga and 

   I figured it's time to apply the "listen to your body" part of yoga. And as it finally hit me in the face,

   I  am already seeing a Physical Therapist (and undergoing therapy) in order to.....

2. Slowly ease my way back into yoga and surfing.

   There is no shame in going back to basics. Really. I'd be happy to just be able to do what I love no

   matter if I do it by myself or if I need guidance by teachers or instructors. Better safe than sorry.

3. Disconnect.

    While social media is my outlet in life, I want to spend less time browsing it and spend time talking 

    and engage with my husband, daughter, parents, siblings and friends.

4. To be more present.

   I am quite sure my husband has had enough of my worrying about the future so I will be putting 

   more effort in living now than thinking about what happens tomorrow. YOLO.

5. Learn calligraphy.

    I attended a basic calligraphy course last 2013 and it ended at that. I started to get back at it again earlier this December and I promised myself to stick with it. Actually, today is my one month mark practicing this beautiful craft! Yehey!

6. Take more pictures.

    Honestly, I had a slump in this area of my life. It's not that I got tired with it, just with the harsh community around it. People can be so critical and I let it get to me. So from now on I will be happy with what I capture, share it and leave it at that.

7. Continue to learn to love my body.

    Because I am uniquely made by Him. And the imperfections I see in myself are the things my husband love most about me. I have given up counting calories or measuring my self-worth on the weighing scale. I have also cut down on my workouts because too much of it has destroyed my body and caused me stressed. I am not getting any younger and I want to enjoy other things in life like eating good food and slowing down to rest.

8. Avoid being paranoid.

    Period.

9. Be a better mother.

   To set a more positive example for my daughter by respecting and loving myself and my husband  

   and being able to appreciate the little things in life. 

I may or may not accomplish all of it but I'll do my best! Lastly, for number 10, I want to be able to be present on this space, not to gather followers or anything but simply to share my thoughts. Sometimes it helps when I come across an entry or a blog by someone else, whether to inspire or seek advice. And who knows, maybe some of the things I share might be of help to someone somewhere out there.

31 (Late Post)

Thirty one. I am thirty one! And, yup I feel it, too, deep to the bones (literally.) I have been avoiding this space since getting myself injured (still probably from yoga and surfing...who knows.) It's just hard to put into words how I feel about not getting to do the things I love. But here I am trying to be a big girl and moving on. Before writing something brief about my birthday last December 18 I would just like to put into record that I am already seeing a Physical Therapist for my aches. And she said that the most I can do for now are some light stretching, walking and swimming. I couldn't even lift heavy objects, jog or overuse the right side of my body.

I have to follow, even when I don't want to. I even begged if I could just get pushed into a wave, without paddling myself, but she said NO. I also asked if I can do a full sequence of yoga and avoid asanas that "I think" causes my aches and she said NO. So I have recently been into my calligraphy practice in order to fill up my time. Mind you, it's something I am coming to love already. It's just heartbreaking for me to stop riding the waves and doing my yoga practice. Adam asked me once how I felt about the situation and I told him, "It's like your first heartache, I guess. It hurts and you don't know how to deal." The drama, I know.

Moving on......

I didn't want to be such a Scrooge to not let Adam surf when I can't, also, I do love the sea so we still went to celebrate my birthday on the beach. The swell was perfect and I am happy that my husband and friends got to surf their hearts out!

As for me, I spent quality time with my daughter, and doing calligraphy drills. Which made me realize the other aspects of my life that I have set aside because of surfing. For one, I miss more playtime with my girl. Another is, having more time for my art...and photography.

It was a relaxed celebration and I'm glad that I agreed to go. It taught me that life isn't just about doing the things you love the most....it's also learning to take what you can get and appreciating the bigger picture.