31 (Late Post)

Thirty one. I am thirty one! And, yup I feel it, too, deep to the bones (literally.) I have been avoiding this space since getting myself injured (still probably from yoga and surfing...who knows.) It's just hard to put into words how I feel about not getting to do the things I love. But here I am trying to be a big girl and moving on. Before writing something brief about my birthday last December 18 I would just like to put into record that I am already seeing a Physical Therapist for my aches. And she said that the most I can do for now are some light stretching, walking and swimming. I couldn't even lift heavy objects, jog or overuse the right side of my body.

I have to follow, even when I don't want to. I even begged if I could just get pushed into a wave, without paddling myself, but she said NO. I also asked if I can do a full sequence of yoga and avoid asanas that "I think" causes my aches and she said NO. So I have recently been into my calligraphy practice in order to fill up my time. Mind you, it's something I am coming to love already. It's just heartbreaking for me to stop riding the waves and doing my yoga practice. Adam asked me once how I felt about the situation and I told him, "It's like your first heartache, I guess. It hurts and you don't know how to deal." The drama, I know.

Moving on......

I didn't want to be such a Scrooge to not let Adam surf when I can't, also, I do love the sea so we still went to celebrate my birthday on the beach. The swell was perfect and I am happy that my husband and friends got to surf their hearts out!

As for me, I spent quality time with my daughter, and doing calligraphy drills. Which made me realize the other aspects of my life that I have set aside because of surfing. For one, I miss more playtime with my girl. Another is, having more time for my art...and photography.

It was a relaxed celebration and I'm glad that I agreed to go. It taught me that life isn't just about doing the things you love the most....it's also learning to take what you can get and appreciating the bigger picture.

Still Here, Still Surfing

I haven't opened my blog lately and by "lately" I mean in months. It was a harsh summer. I always tell myself to write about it here in this space...but I don't think it will serve me well doing that for now. I am not ready...not yet. But I'm still here. It's true, sh*t happens and life can be cruel but I choose to still live it anyway.

These past few months I felt as if I was bound to lose many things. Aside from the surf, we lost our grandmother. I feel so beat, as if life really let me down yet again. I spent two months in a daze, telling myself it will be okay.

I lost my cousin two years ago (the same month our grandmother passed) and I started to push myself out of my comfort zone ever since. The loss of a loved one is what prompted me to come out stronger because after all, I am very weak by nature. This event in my life is the reason I started to surf. 

And now, two years later, I am back at square one. Another person dear to me is gone. Again, I am left in this dire situation. Again, I feel as if I am starting a new life. And with the swell coming in, I am making it a point to come out stronger, to be better...not only with surfing...but with life.

 JP

 Adam

 Alvin

So we packed our things for our first surf trip after two months. I am happy to be back at the place where I was first pushed into a wave. I had a lot of baggage this time around. A year ago my only worry was looking stupid in front of strangers....this time I worried about losing whatever progress I worked hard for, if there ever was any.

Well, to be honest, my endurance was cut in half. With paddle power, not much (I guess daily Yoga really does help). It was a very familiar feeling. As if I have done it only yesterday. I haven't even reached half a year in the lineup, and I have learned so many things...about people and about myself. And this is one thing I like about surfing, it will teach you a lot about life and reality.

Meryl

It was like a mini reunion with Adam, JP, Tanya, Joan and of course, Bean (plus her ninong Alvin). Time flew by so fast that I find myself right here by my desk looking at the pictures gathered from the weekend. It was a fun, familiar feeling. And I love it, have loved it, and will definitely continue to love it. 

This trip was also for my dearest husband because it was his birthday. I planned a week ahead with Joan on how to make a simple surprise for him. So we bought a few pieces of fudge bars and put "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" candles on it which we put on the bed; so when Adam opened the door, we sang him the birthday song. I hope he liked it. I really hope he did; because I had nothing special to give him, just a little painting with a message. 

I wanted him to feel very special because he is the one who started it all. This constant craving for surf. He would always make sure we have a place to stay in; he would prepare the boards and all the stuff with it, he is the one who drives the car, and he always gives me an extra hand with our little girl.

We spent three days surfing in the morning, and sometimes in the afternoon, too. I have nothing else to say....just that it is indeed one of the best feelings in the world---catching a wave and being able to ride it. I feel so free.

I am so lucky to have you, dearest husband. 

Even if it was your birthday you let me surf first.

When I felt so dehydrated in the lineup and couldn't see well,

you immediately stopped catching waves and helped me get to shore.

You continue to inspire me to become a better person,

a stronger woman in and out of the surf.

Imagine 1.5 years ago I was crying,

because I felt so pressured by you to take that first surf lesson,

After almost fighting

I couldn't believe that I am already surfing with you.

In the line up, 

catching waves all on my own. 

I feel very grateful to you

for believing in me

when no one else does

when I am on the verge of giving up, 

you always tell me that in time

I will get to where I am supposed to be.

And here I am, 

all because you exist.