Mixed Emotions

We are so ready to meet our baby girl no. 2! It seems like only yesterday that I took a test, confident that it wasn't just "the month" yet and that I would be having my period the same day or the next. And while packing my daughter's lunch box, a quick glance at the test shocked me (in a good way), two lines! So I quickly made a note to surprise Adam, who had to read it a couple of times to understand the message. LOL.

Though we have been looking forward to this for a time now, I was hesitant because I was traumatized with my first birth experience! But thanks to the support of my husband and daughter...we're already here ready to say hello to this little one.

But this post isn't only about that, but my current worries and how Bean has been coping with the situation. Being an over thinker and a paranoid person my mind is constantly plagued with weird and crazy things which are ever so random that's why I busy myself with house chores, art, organization, etc. These days I think about the adjustment our little family will have, especially Bean.

She has stepped up quite a lot ever since I got pregnant. She's the one who holds my hand and pats my back when my face is stuffed in the toilet vomiting the whole day. She let's me nap during the afternoon while she quietly plays or draws beside me. She also always asks me how I am, if I have a headache, if I need a hug. Small things that make my heart swell with joy...and feel that the whole day vomiting and nausea isn't so bad.

During this last trimester, my movement and activities have been limited. I asked our OB if I can still drive, and at the start of the month she said "NO," but I told her I don't have a choice because nobody will bring our daughter to school until October. I explained that the school is a 5 minute drive away, to which she said "okay" as long as there is still space between the steering wheel and my bump. The thing is, it takes great effort to walk from the parking to the gate and back (it actually takes effort to walk at all because baby no. 2 sat on a nerve somewhere.)

Accompanying Bean to school has become my security blanket--like it's the last connection I have to her being my baby! But I had to give that up, too. I talked to her about being dropped off the gate, and at first she cried. But I explained to her that I couldn't walk and that it pains me a lot to do so. I told her I didn't want this to happen but we have to adjust because in the coming days things are going to change and that she's going to be a big sister already. I am glad she finally gave in. And so we started our new routine, not just with things involving school but also here at home.

It's so surprising that somebody 26 years younger than me has taught me so much more than my experiences to this day. I am so happy to find a best friend in my own daughter. I know my heart has to grow to accommodate two littles, but my little miss Bean will always be special.

My Loves at Avilon

Two months ago, at my appointment with my OB, I asked if I could still join my daughter on her field trip which is a few weeks shy of "D day." Initially, she said yes I could go...but upon finding out it would be at the zoo she said NO because I might contract a disease or any sickness from animal exposure or something. Well, this news broke my heart but we make do of the situation. So for this year it was just Bean and Adam.

Being a mom with a semi-type A personality I made a list of the things they needed to bring and I checked and prepared them over and over. I also asked Bean to bring the Instax camera so she could take pictures of the animals she liked.

Here's a little trivia: Avilon Zoo is memorable to us because it was where Adam took me for our first "official date." "Official" because it wasn't talking over coffee and we still weren't exclusively a couple. I was surprised to get asked out to go to a zoo but I did have a great time!

I was texting Adam throughout the day asking if they already ate, if he's letting bean drink water or go to the loo. Also, I wanted to know if she was having a great time, and I am so very glad that both of them enjoyed!

Surprisingly, Bean loves snakes. She likes petting them and reading about them. I'm just relieved that she doesn't want one for a pet.

I just like the patterns on this one.

It was a real disappointment that I wasn't able to see our girl have a grand time but I am ecstatic that she and her dad had a blast! The first thing she showed me were the pictures she took, and her take home activity which she excitedly accomplished so fast. That night she couldn't help tell me stories about her day.

I am thankful and blessed to have a husband who shares the same parenting beliefs with me. It doesn't matter to us if our daughter is the best in school, or in anything...we just want her to be happy and secure...always.

In less than twenty days we are to meet baby girl number 2! I am overwhelmed with emotions...but I am trying to be positive that everything will be okay. This blessing has been what we've been wishing for and we're so close! :)

Almost There

When I found out I was pregnant last February, I was so ecstatic to tell Adam. Besides loving everything"baby," we really thought it was about time. So I hoped that this time around I would skip the nausea and vomiting phase and even issues with the pregnancy because when I was pregnant with Bean I was almost always on bed rest, drinking medicines and have had bleeding, too. The first two weeks were a breeze that's why we thought this pregnancy would be different...until we had our first scan. I was again told to be on bed best for two weeks because of a "subchorionic hemorrhage" that was seen. After a few days I had severe nausea and vomiting which lasted until the 6 month.

As these things took a back seat, I was so happy to be able to eat and exercise again (my OB gave the go signal) but then again, I developed sharp pains near my right groin area which runs through my inner thigh. The doctor told me that the baby was pressing on a nerve, or something like that. There's no choice but to just get through it daily. I have a five-year old to drive to school from Monday-Friday, I feed and care for her and we do schoolwork and play time together, too. I make it a point to do these things even if I'm feeling so much discomfort because I want to be able to cherish the time when it's still just me and Bean. It has been five years of pure happiness with her...it may sound cliche but she's my source of strength. Whenever I feel doubt, she's the one who keeps me standing strong. 

It has been months of walking in pain for me. But yesterday was the last straw. Upon waking up, I had a hard time standing on my right leg. The pain was just too much , yet I thought that if I got myself walking it would dull the pain. So we went on with our morning routine and I drove Bean to school. From there I found it impossible to get back to our car. I limped all throughout and it seemed impossible! I drove home (there's no pain when I'm sitting down) and also had an excruciating time getting down from the car and getting into the house. So I texted my OB and called Adam to let him know of the situation. Again, I am advised to be on bed rest, hopefully I'd be able to be mobile in a few days because....who the h*ck would bring my little girl to school?!

I did cry my heart out to my husband because every time I feel sick, or I am unable to do anything to contribute in the house or in our family I feel useless. I feel that I would be lacking as a mother when I just lie down and rest and do nothing. And I am so glad and grateful that he talked sense into my head...that I am not useless and that I am also doing this for our family.

Right now I am busying myself with crafts and art, finding inspiration during this "nesting" phase, and preparing myself mentally for the surgery.

Only about four weeks to go and we can't wait to meet this little one!