Mixed Emotions

We are so ready to meet our baby girl no. 2! It seems like only yesterday that I took a test, confident that it wasn't just "the month" yet and that I would be having my period the same day or the next. And while packing my daughter's lunch box, a quick glance at the test shocked me (in a good way), two lines! So I quickly made a note to surprise Adam, who had to read it a couple of times to understand the message. LOL.

Though we have been looking forward to this for a time now, I was hesitant because I was traumatized with my first birth experience! But thanks to the support of my husband and daughter...we're already here ready to say hello to this little one.

But this post isn't only about that, but my current worries and how Bean has been coping with the situation. Being an over thinker and a paranoid person my mind is constantly plagued with weird and crazy things which are ever so random that's why I busy myself with house chores, art, organization, etc. These days I think about the adjustment our little family will have, especially Bean.

She has stepped up quite a lot ever since I got pregnant. She's the one who holds my hand and pats my back when my face is stuffed in the toilet vomiting the whole day. She let's me nap during the afternoon while she quietly plays or draws beside me. She also always asks me how I am, if I have a headache, if I need a hug. Small things that make my heart swell with joy...and feel that the whole day vomiting and nausea isn't so bad.

During this last trimester, my movement and activities have been limited. I asked our OB if I can still drive, and at the start of the month she said "NO," but I told her I don't have a choice because nobody will bring our daughter to school until October. I explained that the school is a 5 minute drive away, to which she said "okay" as long as there is still space between the steering wheel and my bump. The thing is, it takes great effort to walk from the parking to the gate and back (it actually takes effort to walk at all because baby no. 2 sat on a nerve somewhere.)

Accompanying Bean to school has become my security blanket--like it's the last connection I have to her being my baby! But I had to give that up, too. I talked to her about being dropped off the gate, and at first she cried. But I explained to her that I couldn't walk and that it pains me a lot to do so. I told her I didn't want this to happen but we have to adjust because in the coming days things are going to change and that she's going to be a big sister already. I am glad she finally gave in. And so we started our new routine, not just with things involving school but also here at home.

It's so surprising that somebody 26 years younger than me has taught me so much more than my experiences to this day. I am so happy to find a best friend in my own daughter. I know my heart has to grow to accommodate two littles, but my little miss Bean will always be special.

This Little Human

Oh, Gosh! I can't even begin to say how much I missed this space. You see, life has been knocking me down a few these past few months...but well, we keep on moving! Preschool has been a big adjustment to us as a family. For one, we are so used to having unplanned and relaxed schedules that fitting it around a fixed one for school really stressed me out. Another is how early I wake to prepare everything from Bean's snacks to her school things and her clothes...plus, having to choose whether to convince her to nap in the afternoon or not just to get her to bed earlier during the night. I also do not have much time to make illustrations, write, workout and unwind. Then, there is lesser time to go the sea and to surf.

Not that I am complaining. It is indeed a big adjustment because it dawned on us that instead of Bean's life molded into ours, it is now vice versa. And I knew it was to be all along. Because as much as I love art, yoga and surfing...I love being a mother most of all. And no matter how tired I get at times, I wouldn't trade this for the world! I love doing these things for our girl.

I remember when she was two years old I would jokingly ask her to not grow up too fast...and she would sweetly reply that she promised because she wouldn't like me to grow old, too. But after turning four and a lot of singing and dancing to Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande, she now wants to be a "people" (her term for being grown up which still refuses to correct).

There goes my baby growing up...and us parents growing old! Haha

That's why at this stage I do cherish our afternoons where we get to play together, make art together, and sometimes this is also the time I get to watch some of the shows I love when she chooses to do things by herself.

Still, in my heart I wish time would go slower.


Tutu and mask from Little Human & Co. Go check out their IG! Thank you so much!

where did our baby go

Well, we're here. I never thought babyhood would be over quickly! When Bean was two years old I have already began to feel a little bit blue thinking that in a few years she would be off to school...and now she is.

No more late and relaxed mornings for the majority of the week. Aside from waking our girl early to prepare I wake up earlier to prepare her lunchbox, clothes and things for her classes.

I thought it would be a smooth transition. The school started two weeks of having classes every other day and Bean was doing great. But when school resumed with the normal daily schedule...the crying started. She was doing great last Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday, I already saw the hesitation on her face during lineup. She was about to cry but she didn't. On Thursday, me and Adam brought her to school and while waiting for the kids to go inside the school, Bean kept hiding behind her dad. When it was time to lineup she burst into tears and cried for me. She held my hand as if the world depended on it. When their class was about to march in, she let go and walked. She walked in even while she was crying. I couldn't hold in my tears much longer so I let them go in the car . Even though our little girl cried she knew well she had to go to school.

At home, we told her how proud we were of her going to school. We told her it's okay to be a little sad. We asked her what was making her cry and i guessed it right! "I miss mama." Oh darn! Well, my heart misses her so much, too. Though a few hours of time for myself is a plus...I can't help but feel empty without her because for years we had a this little world of our own. And now, all of a sudden, something burst the bubble.

But we know that this is the only way to go and all of us can only grow. I have always been a positive parent. I try to be at my best everyday (though there are really bad days, to be honest.)

For the past few days, Bean has been going to school with a smile on her face...and we are just so proud of this little life we've made.

today's accomplishment

we've managed to lessen our little girl's fear of trying to walk. i am just a firm believer that i should not push my baby to do things when she's not ready. she skipped crawling, she just wasn't interested in doing so. her vocabulary skills are great though.

even if she's a little late in her motor development, we're still very proud of her.

(she has learned to pull up into a standing position in just two days)

happy weekend!