sometimes the truth hurts

it really does. when it hits you hard. my husband put into words what i have been feeling these past few months. yes, i miss everyone. every single person in my life, whether our friendship ended badly or not...i don't really care if those people still have a place for me in their hearts. i never wanted to be important. i'm quite a hermit--i like keeping to myself most times.

i think about the friends i made in my youth who seem to be so busy, they forgot about me. i am tired of making the effort, tied of being lied to. in my native language, "ayoko na makipag- plastikan." you don't need to tell me you couldn't go to my daughter's party because you are out of town, or you have a previous engagement...then post a photo of that day together with each other...wherein i wasn't even invited. if you don't like me, or have no use for me at all...don't bother. i'd like friends who like me for me, not for what they need me for.

i thought i built lasting friendships with a few people...but maybe we grow up. maybe sometimes we realize people move on, for whatever reason. and not all people you care for...care for you the same way, because if they did, you'd know.

aside from my husband, daughter and parents, i think i only have one friend left. and sometimes i try not to disturb her too much, i try not to keep her so much because i think this is the friendship i'd like to have until i grow old. most times i am scared..i don't know if i've told her that, but at times i think she knows. because she knows my heart. i told her then, i think we have parallel souls. maybe she remembers, maybe she forgot. but it doesn't matter because she's still here. and that alone makes me happy.

maybe this is the friendship i'd put all my effort on to. who knows, maybe i was destined to have this.