2013 has been a whirlwind--a series of highs and lows. From losing a loved one to finding other things to move on to. No, I do not wish to forget that loved one; I just want to try to move on from the pain. I do not want her to remind me of the sadness for she was such a spark of happiness. I realize that after losing my dear cousin, I seem to have lost almost everyone (save for my husband, daughter, parents and one friend). People suddenly found other ways to cope and sometimes I'm afraid we are drifting apart. It is only now that I realize how different I am from my siblings and cousins.
I am not really into fashion and fancy restaurants; I do not get how to play Magic. I am clueless with entertainment news. But I try so hard to relate. Most of the time I feel alone when I'm with them. I'd like to think this is just a transition because we lost one of us. Upon losing her, I think we lost parts of ourselves too. She appears to be that "special" bond because she was always the one asking everyone how their day was. She always organized gatherings, and even if it's last minute...everything pushes through.
Most days I think I am okay, but I am not. When I do not cry, I realize it means I just ran out of tears because my heart still hurts so bad. And this loss will forever be there, same as my love.
Dearest December, come sooner. I need a break from work, from everything. I need time to heal. I need to feel the comfort of those that are still here.
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