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"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014."
This afternoon we played with animal tattoos and her froggy hat. Bean is turning three in about a week and I am still not ready. She's not even turning into a teenager; yet here I am feeling a little bittersweet. The later half of her year as a two year old is so challenging! She throws fits like there is no tomorrow; at the same time, she can be the sweetest girl in the world giving us random kisses and telling us she loves us over and over again.
Bean always bugs me about going to school on "school day" but when I tell her I won't be going she'd change her mind. I do want her to go to school but I know I'll miss her so very much.
Life has changed; it definately has. And though it pains me, I know I have to let go of other things and people in order to make room for others who are worthy of my friendship...of me. I love life right now. We're going on surf trips with friends and they are becoming just like family so fast. I do miss parts of my old life like photography, reading books on quiet afternoons, even just talking with my husband without a toddler in the way... I just miss these things but there is no way they can make up for the happiness we have at present. Just the surf makes up the most of it!
I also do miss being complete. I have never been vocal about it but I miss my cousin AK so much. The hurt never went away and I don't wish it to. On afternoons when my daughter is asleep and Adam is at work I cry. Most times I scroll through her messages on my phone. Maybe this is the way it's supposed to be; maybe she needed to go to spark the changes in our lives. Maybe it's time to accept that even if I still can't and still refuse to. I miss her infectious laughter, her big heart. I miss how she is the only one who does FaceTime with me, who asks me about the things I'm doing. Hey, Trin...how are you up there? I wish you could see me, Bean and Adam. I imagine you being so proud of your God daughter. I want you to know that I really miss you, but I'm not mad that you're gone. I am thankful because you still are my source of strength in the midst of struggles. I love you.
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