Imperfect ; I'm + Perfect

My Yoga journey started half a year before I decided to learn how to surf. I was in love with Yoga first. In fact, I made it a point to do it daily ever since I stepped into a studio and had my first class. The reason I took it up was because I lost a special person in my life, my cousin. I felt so broken and whatever I do I couldn't seem to pick myself up to do anything about it. I'd spend afternoons crying while Bean takes her nap. I cry in the bathroom; I cry when Adam is at work...and I did not want to be like that forever. Yes, I know I would permanently miss my cousin and I might be permanently hurt because of her passing...but I did not want to be too weak to handle myself. And so I went to the nearest studio and the rest is history.

But then, surfing really got to me....all of me...and I took my Yoga practice for granted. I kept on doing it day after day for the wrong reasons. I wanted to become stronger to catch those waves and so...most times I'd pay no mind to my breathing or alignment...as if I wanted to go through the asanas just to get it over with. I even failed to listen to my body which led to my first major injury.

Good thing I got injured! 2015 was supposed to be the year I would focus on my arm balances...but maybe my body is trying to tell me that I need to take a step back and remember the true essence of practicing Yoga. Realizing this...that I need to be grounded before I take flight...will keep me from causing more injuries to myself. That is why I am not sad about getting my hand and wrist all haywire.

Adam also stopped his practice because he is very busy at work. It was just either yoga or surf...and there is no question as to what he would choose. But I remain in good spirits because even though Yoga isn't on the top of his priorities he would still find some time to practice with me.

A daily practice is hard to maintain, mostly when your three-year old would be running around in circles making a mess...climbing on top of you while you do an upward dog....or crawling under you on your downward facing dog. But I laugh it off when I see her attempting to do a cat/cow pose and then pretends that she can do a headstand when she actually can't.

Today is the actually another first...it's my first time doing my full practice after three weeks of healing. My hand/wrist hasn't fully recovered yet...but for now it is enough. Adam had the idea to photograph some of the asanas I can do. I may not have the best posture; my alignment might still be off; I do not have the perfect "Yoga body" but the one I have keeps me breathing and living. I am not perfect for everyone; but I am just perfect for me.

out of control; out of balance

"Eat like you love yourself.

Move like you love yourself.

Speak like you love yourself.

Act like you love yourself."

-Tara Stiles

I had a great surf session almost three weeks ago. We had a great surf session almost three weeks ago. And then I went home with an injured hand and wrist. I cannot lift anything; I can barely move my fingers and my entire hand. I cannot do yoga...and I absolutely cannot surf.

If you knew me...you'd probably think I am hard headed and will not stop. I did not. Knowing there was something wrong with me I still did my full Ashtanga practice two consecutive days after we surfed. It made my condition worse. Really worse.

So I had to stop doing both things. I had to heal and it will take time. Honestly, I was bummed and almost couldn't see the brighter side of the situation. You see I am one who over thinks until there's no tomorrow. A few things that went through my head were:

1. What if I stopped doing both things I loved....would I get back to square one?

2. Would everything I worked hard for amount to nothing because I stopped?

3. Would I lose the body I toned because of doing yoga religiously.

4.Would I get panic attacks or anxiety because I will not be doing my regular practice?

5. Would this reflect on my well-being as a mother, wife, daughter, sister or friend?

But aside from these worries my goal was to heal because if I don't then I won't be able to do yoga or surf permanently.

It was so hard for me to stop. I devoured books like crazy; over-played with my daughter, read and reread my books on yoga and surf. I replaced my yoga practice with other exercises that did not involve my left arm and hand. I waited patiently until one morning I can move my fingers. And then the next morning I can move my hand from side to side; the next day I can finally grip things; and then the next...I can already twist my hands from my wrist....

...and finally, I can put pressure on my hands again. I was so happy that I can be back at it....but with caution. I have already done yoga three times with modifications on chaturanga and any arm-balance. I refrain from doing the full wheel pose because an angled pressure to my hands and wrist still causes discomfort.

I am the type of person who wishes to be in control most of the time. Unfortunately, reality sometimes can go out of balance...and that's when we need to be pliant. And I realized that one thing yoga continuously teaches me is how to be  flexible....not just in doing the asanas; but also in life.

Tomorrow we are going on a trip and I will try to surf. Though I am worried about what will or might happen Adam always tells me to take it one step at a time; breathe and just let things be. So I will. I listen to my husband regarding these things because, for the most part in my surfing life, he is the one with the wisdom to make me succeed. I have plans and I have goals....I usually take a lot of detours to reach them and often times I get lost along the way...but with Adam...I reach them way ahead of time. And I am grateful...so grateful that I have him in my life.