Happy Halloween and Project no. 8

I really meant to post more, but unfortunately I am swamped with work and motherhood...what else? Crochet? Yeah, I added that to my list of interests. Let me tell you how horrific Halloween was for me. I was so excited I kept bugging my two year old about her costume. She said she wanted to be a butterfly, a ballerina, and a bee. I kept asking her until she finally wanted to be a ballerina who can fly...so she did go as a ballerina with wings. I was excited to take her and her cousins trick or treating at Bonifacio High Street. But, because of an untimely road re-blocking, we decided to go elsewhere. This elsewhere led to us not being able to go with Jammie and Joaqui (who by the way had fun at BGC). We went to Shangrila Mall. Well, they had advertisements which failed to say that their slots were full.. So there's poor Bean and Winter with their pumpkin baskets...not getting any treats. It was a horrific "trick" for me. As a mom I was so heartbroken that they weren't able to join trick or treating. Good thing my mom went with us...she was quite heartbroken, too--that she bought the girls a slide! Little did my mom know she mended my heart in an instant.

Adam and I just thought of buying candies for the little girls, distribute it around the house the next day so that Bean and Winter can still have a little treat. We even put up a few decorations too. I think they had a blast! And I really appreciated Jammie being a "kuya" to them. :) Here are some photos of our weekend:

This long weekend, I also had the time to buy yarns and a new book. I am quite excited as I have been reading on my Kindle for the past two years...it's just now that I purchased another book...a real book made of paper! Let's see how this book goes as it appears to be good based on reviews. Adam also bought a Gopro! Finally, pictures underwater!!! I am as excited as he is. I also had time to do the photo project me and Lora have each week:

“Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again.” ― Carol Rifka Brunt

sometimes the truth hurts

it really does. when it hits you hard. my husband put into words what i have been feeling these past few months. yes, i miss everyone. every single person in my life, whether our friendship ended badly or not...i don't really care if those people still have a place for me in their hearts. i never wanted to be important. i'm quite a hermit--i like keeping to myself most times.

i think about the friends i made in my youth who seem to be so busy, they forgot about me. i am tired of making the effort, tied of being lied to. in my native language, "ayoko na makipag- plastikan." you don't need to tell me you couldn't go to my daughter's party because you are out of town, or you have a previous engagement...then post a photo of that day together with each other...wherein i wasn't even invited. if you don't like me, or have no use for me at all...don't bother. i'd like friends who like me for me, not for what they need me for.

i thought i built lasting friendships with a few people...but maybe we grow up. maybe sometimes we realize people move on, for whatever reason. and not all people you care for...care for you the same way, because if they did, you'd know.

aside from my husband, daughter and parents, i think i only have one friend left. and sometimes i try not to disturb her too much, i try not to keep her so much because i think this is the friendship i'd like to have until i grow old. most times i am scared..i don't know if i've told her that, but at times i think she knows. because she knows my heart. i told her then, i think we have parallel souls. maybe she remembers, maybe she forgot. but it doesn't matter because she's still here. and that alone makes me happy.

maybe this is the friendship i'd put all my effort on to. who knows, maybe i was destined to have this.

Project 6 & 7

A little late because of life, but here goes....

"The still waters of a lake reflect the beauty around it.

When the mind is still,

the beauty of the self is reflected."

-B.K.S. Iyengar

It took almost 29 years of my life to stop comparing myself to others. It took that long for me to love myself just the way I am. I have no regrets, really. Time wasn't wasted. It wasn't. It wasn't at all.

"You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. No, I think there was too rigid a pattern. You came out of an education and are supposed to know your vocation. Your vocation is fixed, and maybe ten years later you find you are not a teacher anymore or you're not a painter anymore. It may happen. It has happened. I mean Gauguin decided at a certain point he wasn't a banker anymore; he was a painter. And so he walked away from banking. I think we have a right to change course. But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things. They would like you to fit in right away so that things work now.”

-Anaïs Nin

 I never thought I would be a full-time mom. Never, really. I was in love with design. I loved drawing, drafting, rendering. I liked dressing up to go to work. I liked the ritual. But being blessed as I am now...to spend everyday with this little life...I couldn't ask for more. No, not at all.

Winter's Day

Yesterday, we celebrated my niece's birthday. Her first birthday is not until tomorrow, but anyway... guess who was so excited she decided to shorten her nap. She said because there was a "birthday party, mama!" she wants to wake up. She was ever so behaved getting her hair combed and changing her clothes.

Winter's party theme is ice cream, and of course, who wouldn't enjoy that? Blue, purple, balloons, candies, bubbles and ice cream....those kids had a blast! Dearest Winter, please grow up to be a good one. :)

Happy Birhday, Winter!

We love you!

Healthy Pizza

I saw this recipe of a healthy pizza! You can visit www.greenkitchenstories.com for the recipe! The crust is made of cauliflower and almonds. No meat involved! The crust is far from bread, but it tastes so good! 

Project No. 5

"You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth,

thinking about ho you'll escape it one day,

and how awesome it will be, 

and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it.

You just use the future to escape the present."

i like lora's chosen theme. maybe because i've spent my life the same way. until now i do, in some ways. i waste hours and hours looking at people...idolizing them, imagining they were me. i read lots of stories pretending that those conquests are mine. and this is tiring. this year has been a year wherein i am trying to get out of my comfort zone. i have progressed slowly with sure steps. the path is never smooth; the journey is never easy. it will be that way for sure, but i sure am becoming a better person along the way.

life is short; live it

image via pinterest 

early this year, it hit me--life is short. in fact, too short. we lost a loved one; she was just 29 years old. she's a year older than me. i never thought she's go that fast...but that's what happened. it has been almost six months since she passed, and every time i reflect on it...i come to feel that i need to make the best of my life right now--this life. because it is just too precious to waste. so, i took up yoga. i have always been interested, but because i let my insecurities win i always put it aside. i don't like looking weird or funny in front of people. i hate getting embarrassed. and it took me 28 years to realize that it doesn't matter. i am still committed to my daily yoga practice; it has been four months now. the progress is slow, but steadily building up--my flexibility and balance are up high in my record; strength--not so much. but the reward i get from it is priceless. i feel at peace, i feel happy. the insecurities haven't really disappeared but...i can control them when needed.

there are a lot more i want to do with in this life. aside from getting better at yoga; i want to catch up with my husband on his surfing. he let me try last 2010; i was ecstatic. however, travel to the sea was scarce, work was busy, and i was just afraid of people judging me. as kids, we were very sheltered...no dangerous things or activities allowed. so when my husband asked me to try to learn to surf...we had almost an hour of fighting before i said yes (i even cried to get out of it...hey, we didn't travel 11 hours on a bus just for me to say no). it was hard to stand up on a board, honestly. because i don't really know the extent of my balance and the capability of my body; also, i had no strength from years of battling an eating disorder. i tried so hard that day...and eventually, i did it. i got to ride. it was liberating.

upon coming home i did research about surfing, i even tried to learn about the different boards, and reading waves. but because i was then procrastinating life...it never happened. we got pregnant, had a baby. this year he asked me to try again. and it slapped me on the face. i lost my balance. in that two-hour surf lesson i was behind almost everyone. i always fell in the water.

from that day on, i stopped trying.

my husband is consistent with his surfing. he practices almost every weekend; and i never told him i was envious because i am too scared to try. i always watch him from afar. i watch all the people surfing, imagining it was me. i want to stop daydreaming and just be. let go. voices inside my head always tell me, "you're almost 29; you're too old to learn...people will just laugh at you," or, "because other people are doing it, you want to do it too...poser," and, "what will my friends say? what will my family say? what will my husband think?" these voices make me tired. so i told my husband this urge of mine...to catch up to him. to have fun learning, not worrying what people think. so, i am making it one of my goals...maybe with the remainder of the year..or on 2014.

let us just live in the present. let go. be free.