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what my husband taught me about commitment

Nope, not in marriage. I am so committed to that. Commitment in fulfilling hopes and dreams, that's more like it. I have always been a failure. Honestly.

When I was a kid I told my parents I wanted to take up ballet. Yes, seeing ballerinas dance left me in awe! The control they have over their bodies, turning it into art....duh...I wanted that! So they did enroll me into a ballet school, wherein after a few sessions I wanted to quit just because the receptionist fooled me one day that my mom left me.

Then I told my parents I wanted to learn to play the piano after hearing Mozart. Again, they said yes. I almost progressed, but my lack of confidence pulled me back from recitals...and doing better. I loved the music, but not that much to make me give up my insecurities.

One summer, my cousins and I were so fanatic about the movie franchise "The Three Ninjas" so my brother and I wanted KARATE lessons. Off we went...to no avail. Not a few months after, we quit. Maybe we were so foreign to body aches and pains. I don't know. The feeling of wanting it just went away.

My parents wanted us to learn how to swim. No choice on that. They wanted us to learn to survive in the water. Which I think everyone needs to know. I was so excited because I always dreamed of being a mermaid. I was such a fan of Ariel and even "Dyesebel" that one Christmas I wrote to Santa wishing for him to turn me into a mermaid (to which I cried upon finding out "Santa" got the letter and might really turn me into one....which will make me miss my family.) I was having so much fun learning, but when graduation came....one of the most embarrassing moments of my life happened. I kept on moving at the back of the line for the freestyle exam. When there were just two of us left, we kept on pushing each other...which led to me holding on to the legs of a table and screaming my life out. In the end, I did it...with people looking at me like I was a crazy kid, and a mom who I knew was so humiliated with what I did.

So you see, I am not one for commitments. So I also hesitated to start taking up Yoga. My husband told me to just give it a try, if after a few sessions I decide I don't like it then I can quit. I didn't. But there was a lull in my progress where I told him I think it wasn't for me...but he told me: "That's why it's called progress...because you need to work hard for it." So now, I still have a practice that is becoming strong.

Now there is SURFING. It was my husband's own journey; I already had Yoga. But he would always ask me to try because it's something we can do together. Besides, he has been trying hard at Yoga, too. I think it was July of last year, I was disappointed with what happened at my attempt to learn. I quit. i just accompanied Adam when he surfed....but last October I really got a bit jealous. He looked like he was always having fun. So I took the jump...I told him I wanted to try again.

With the right conditions, and a good teacher...I guess I learned to fall in love with it too. I committed to this. Adam even had a board made for me. I haven't got it yet but it is my goal to be good enough by the time it arrives. I almost quit last weekend because I thought I wasn't progressing....but to my surprise, I think I did. :)




So next time I will paddle harder like my life depends on it.

Getting Through












Images via Tumblr


What helps you get through tough days? What gets you through in life? I already knew about Yoga way back. Because I have always wondered how models (specifically VS models) achieve their perfect bodies, I had years of research about their diet, workouts, way of living, etc. One common factor is Yoga. But I did not start practicing Yoga because of this. I began my journey because I was emotionally tired, emotionally hurt and weak. I lost a loved one. I was drowning in my sorrow. It only took me one class to know that I would be back for more. That first class left me on the brink of tears during savasana. The pain of loss was so much to bear, but Yoga made me feel that I could slowly build up my strength so that I can help myself stand up again.

It has almost been eight months since I began practicing, and my physical strength developed so fast...emotionally...I am getting there, too. My practice gets me through everyday, whether it is an easy day or a hard one. I developed patience, which people would be really surprised with. I am more cheerful and accepting of life. I learned to love myself, even though my dream of achieving a VS model's body would never come true. It's okay. I am unique and beautiful in my own way.

I know I couldn't convince everyone to take up Yoga, but maybe you can give it a try. It helped an unstable person have a sense of stability. Take it from me.

Slowly Sinking

yesterday I realized that people I value the most don't really value me as much. It hurts. I am hurt. And mo matter how stupid or lame this sounds to others, I don't give a crap. I have been treated like crap these days and it has to stop. I should value myself more, I deserve that. Adam tells me the same. So if you see me putting extra effort into ignoring you, or being so uninterested in your life...it only means you hurt me, it only means I am losing hope in you, it only means you failed to treat me the way I treat you. 

You will always get what you give.

Holiday on the Beach

Before 2013 ended, we headed to the beach to relax, spend time with the family, and of course, surf. Duh. Ever since Adam shared the stoke with me, I couldn't get enough. Every opportunity I get, I strive for progress. It doesn't matter if it's slow or fast...as long as I know I am one step closer to my goals. Actually, not just about surfing, but everything in life too.

Me and my little family got a head start and hit the road early. My parents, brothers, Aset and Winter followed that afternoon. To our dismay, there was no surf that day! So we just hung around with Bean and passed the day playing in the sand and watching the sea.








...because what more is there than a love like this.






...for now, he is the only by you can kiss, little miss.










Day 2, me and Adam went to surf. I was only in for an hour so I used the next hour to document Adam's progress. Boohoo, no photos for me. But that's okay. Here's Adam at it:



The rest of the afternoon was spent with the family enjoying the beach. The little girls were so cute to watch!






....suddenly, you aren't a baby anymore.



...pretty Winter.


...striving for progress, always.




...my parents are <3





Day 3 was supposed to be the day we went home...but me, Adam and Bean just had to go surf one last time before 2014. Here's a photo of me by my husband:


I am always excited to be better at this. By the time my board arrives, I should be able to paddle like a monster. Did I mention, Adam got a board made for me too? Thank you so much, dearest husband. I only want to ride waves with you! After that morning session, it was Bean's turn to play. Really, this girl could be anything she wants to be!!! As we watched Adam surf, she kept on persisting to play in the waves. So we ran and jumped and rolled over whitewater, until she pointed at the direction of the surfers and told me, "Mama, I want a board please!" So who is stoked now? Let me now introduce you to our very own surfer girl:







Adam and I are so happy seeing her try new things, and being excited about it. Let me show you how well she knows her ground exercises:


...paddle, paddle, pop-up...and ride...with spunk!


Happy New Year everyone! Cheers to new beginnings.