15/52 and Something Along the Lines of Body Image

15/52

"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014." 

This girl loves the water as much as we do. Actually, I was responsible for setting up the play pool because the weather is too hot. I purposely used the kids as reason to do so. Ha! The perks of having a child. My daughter, in particular, has surpassed her supposed level of vocabulary at her age. She upgraded her verbal skills and incorporated a British accent...just suddenly. I know she's a quarter Brit because of her daddy; but, her accent...I don't know where it came from. We talk to her in English, and this is our mode of communication with her ever since. So I am quite clueless as to where she learned to talk this way. But no complaints here, I love it. I think it makes her adorable even more!

 If you look at the title of my post you might already have an idea of what I am to write about. Body Image. Yes. As most would know, I have been obsessed with weight loss since I was 15 years old. I have had eating disorders and an obsession with working out. I was just never satisfied. Before elaborating on this...I am sharing a few pictures from Saturday's swim with the kids.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was ecstatic! I can't believe I was blessed with a life...that is growing inside of me. But then it dawned on me...I would be gaining weight...so much weight I'd balloon into a walrus. When my clothes started to be snug, I'd cry to my husband. There were constant assurances of me not being ugly and the likes. However, when my daughter was born, motherhood consumed me. It became me. There was nothing more important than caring for the little life in front of me. I loved being a little chubby, a little more bigger because whenever I held my girl...nothing mattered. As she grew and became more independent I started to question myself, "Who are you?" It seemed as if aside from motherhood...there was no "me." And it is a scary feeling. I'd often feel empty. So I told Adam that I'd want to lose the weight, even if I wouldn't look like what I did before, maybe trying would give me perspective.

 I worked hard to lose the extra pregnancy weight, and was content with the five pounds left. I was happy. Then I fell in love with Yoga and surfing...which made me lose weight for a time, eventually toning and bulking me up with a bit of muscle. My husband would constantly compliment me for my achievement. The problem is, sometimes I let some circumstances mess with my head--it makes me unstable and unhappy.

I want to write this as honestly as I could. I often compare myself to others. Yeah, I think most women do. I'd compare myself to girls past and some celebrities. Well, yesterday was one of those days when me and Adam went out on a date...and then I'd see something (someone) that made me feel like all the hard work I put into accepting and loving myself was all a waste...just for a few minutes.

What I like about my husband is that he never fails to save me during these times, even if I know he is tired of telling me over and over that I am a beautiful human being. Last night he told me this: People who compare themselves with other people will never be happy. You will only end up comparing yourself to one girl, and then the next, and then another; it will never stop. It's okay to compare, but compare yourself to you. Be the best version of you, not anybody else.

And just with that, I felt safe again. This is what I was blessed with. I worked hard to get to where I am right now. Whatever happens, I have a husband and a daughter who will love me unconditionally...and that is what's important...that is what is beautiful. So from this moment on, I will hold my head up high and be happy that this is me.

13 and 14/52

                           13/52

"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014." 

Her vocabulary skills are superb! She can   go an and on with debates. I think she's going to be smart, if not, clever! 

 

                            14/52

"A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014." 

She really is a born traveler. Often times she'd say she doesn't want to go home. She's okay with airplanes, cabs and tuktuks. We are truly blessed.

I still do not have much chance in using my camera lately. You know, stressed mother and all. But all is good! 

Bali, we Love You

We were supposed to go to Bangkok, Thailand last December...but due to some protests and rallies there, we were asked to rebook our flight and choose a different destination. Me and my husband decided to book a Bali trip. Of course, this is because of surfing. Honestly, I was scared. I'm not yet that confident to surf breaks out of the country.

Also, I did not know if bringing Bean with us was doable because the itinerary we made did not really include anything for kids...save for trips to the mall (if ever there was a mall). The plane ride was something to worry about, too. The last time Bean rode a plane was a year ago when she talked less and demanded less. But this is a new adventure and we were willing to find out.

DAY 1

Our flight to Denpasar was very early in the morning, 4 AM. So we (plus Bean) have been up since 1:30 AM. I kind of gave Bean a pep talk about the take off. I told her it was just like riding Rocket in Little Einsteins. She just told me, "I'm good." So as the plane took off....she asked us to sing the theme song from the said show. I really found that cute. And what was better was she slept all throughout the flight!

We got to Kuta about 9AM, and we weren't allowed to check-in to the hotel yet. We had brunch and took a walk to pass the time. Bali really is for surfers...every block there would be shops like Ripcurl, Quiksilver, Roxy, Hurley, Volcom, Reef...and the likes! Bali weather is hotter than here in Manila so we chilled by the pool until we got the signal to check in.

A few minutes after these photos were taken, Bean had a meltdown. She'd ask for water, food or milk...then refused all of them. She cried and pushed us away. Adam and I knew how tired she was as both of us wanted to take a rest too. Good thing they let us check in an hour earlier so we let her take her nap. There was nothing to do this day as it was a holiday! We didn't know.

DAY 2

This was our first day of surfing. We went with Gede from Santai Surf. I am always nervous before going out in the water...but his calm demeanor assured me that even though we don't speak the same language...I'd be safe. I like the board he let us use! I did not have nice pictures this time because everything was unfamiliar, but I managed to snap a few of Adam surfing at Double 6. The afternoon, we went out to shop! Ugh....Roxy bikinis priced 700-1000 PHP....what a dream! I got two pairs and one for my girl. Adam got board shorts and a shirt.

DAY 3

This was supposed to be the day we were going to tour UBUD in the morning. Soody picked us up from the hotel and he added a few places to see. We went to see Tanah Lot temple first. It was a nice rocky temple where you can see the sea. I wasn't able to take much pictures again as the tourists were busy taking photos with Bean.  have to admit, I feel touched whenever people appreciate my daughter. Proud mama here! I am also proud of my husband who organized everything and yet offered to carry all our things so I can go snap some photos for keeping. After our tour here, Adam was feeling under the weather; his stomach was acting up. We tried to to reach Ubud, but our driver was kind enough to prioritize Adam's health so we went back. He brought us to Seminyak for lunch, where we passed by Drifter Surf Shop and Deus. They were stores designed for surfers and surf fanatics...but nothing really surprising for us (well, the prices of the prodcucts maybe). In the late afternoon, Soody drove us to Padangpadang beach. Even though there were a lot of people sunbathing on the shore, swimming and surfing in the water...I was in awe of this beach! The giant rock formations, the waters that fall from them...the white sand and clear waters....it's indeed worth going to! We took a quick dip...and then we went to see the Uluwatu surf break! Uluwatu is such a challenge to go to with a toddler as there are thousands of steps, and the passages are steep and constricted...so we just stopped in a spot where we can see the surfers surf the break. I do not have words for how I felt watching them...you should just try and see for yourself. to cap the day off, we went back to the hotel to cool off in the pool and relax.

DAY 4

Our last day in Bali was for a morning surf...and some last minute shopping. We went with Adi and Irene from Baruna Surf Culture. They were very entertaining and good at explaining things we should know about the breaks in Bali. They were even kind enough to babysit Bean for a while. :) I learned something new from them--a different way of paddling which makes me paddle stronger and expend less energy. I'm happy about that. I am also so stoked to see Adam catch a big wave and get a long ride. I was so shocked I wasn't able to take a picture. Adam told them it was the longest ride he ever had in his life; to which Irene replied, "That's not a long ride, maybe next time we can take you to Canggu...there you will know what a long ride is!"

Honestly, the below average waves in Bali are the good waves we already have here. So yes, I got the best and biggest ride there, too. :) We sure will be coming back. Hopefully, Bean will have come to love surfing by then!

Now that we're home...people will ask me "What happened to you?" because my skin got very dark. Honestly, I find nothing wrong with dark skin. I enjoyed our vacation. I love the beach, the sun, the sand, surfing and swimming. We come from a country where being "white" isn't really the norm. So I wish people will stop telling me I got dark in a negative manner. What's important is I am happily doing what I love with the people I love.