Image via Arizona Foothills
It's not a secret, I have been living with anorexia for more than half of my life. It started when I was 15. I was obese; at 5'2" I weighed 150 lbs. One day, I just quit eating. I also bought a single back issue of SHAPE magazine from Booksale so that I could formulate a daily exercise regimen. For two months I ate so little. I'd lie to my friends, pretended to go to the library during recess and lunch to do school work so I can avoid eating. I avoided going out after school; I'd rush home to work out. And in those two months I lost 20 pounds.
It felt great. I felt liberated. But for every pound I lost, I'd want to lose double...triple...more. Until the liberation I felt imprisoned me. I was a slave to every calorie, to every sweat, to every pound. I was so good at this kind of lifestyle that when I was 19 I reduced myself to 106 lbs.
A minor heartache got me back to eating..though I did not gain significantly. At 21 a new inspiration triggered me to get back on track with not eating. And the workout regimen I had when I was 15 wasn't working anymore, so I decided to start running. I started to run for 30 minutes each day for a week. Then an hour each day for four months. Finally, I did an hour of running in the morning and another hour at noon. I was addicted. I was not eating. I was at my lightest...97 lbs.
Then I met my husband (then boyfriend), and we constantly argued about my condition. I tried to get out of it, and it took me a year to feel a little bit okay about eating. Then I got pregnant. I was so scared to gain weight, that I tried to diet. But the love I felt for my baby helped me make the right choice. I ate correctly, little by little. I did gain weight. I gained 30 pounds during my pregnancy.
Truthfully, I thought I'd lose the weight immediately after giving birth. I was so wrong. upon seeing myself in the mirror, I cried. I was so disgusted with the 13 extra pounds. I felt guilty dieting as I wanted to breastfeed. But sadly, there was not much milk anyway. The sleepless nights also didn't help as I had to eat to have energy. I carried 10 extra pounds from August to January...until I couldn't take it anymore. But for my darling daughter...I wanted to do it right.
I jogged for 30 minutes each day, kept active, I ate regularly (but I gave up rice). The weight was so hard to get rid of. I am smaller now, than before I got pregnant. But I finally realized, that I should be doing these things for the right reasons.
Now, I do not want to lose weight to be skinny, I just want to have daily workouts and eat healthily to be able to be with my daughter and husband as long as this life permits me.
:)
Oh, and I also started doing yoga. But I'll save that for another post.
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