Happy 4th Birthday Madeleine Bean

And here we are, at four years old. I couldn't believe how time flew by so fast. I still remember vividly the day I first saw our little girl and how she amazed me! Up to this day she continues to amaze us, and I know that this will go on for years to come.

A few months ago I asked Bean what party theme she would like this year and she has stuck with the "Octonauts" for so long that, indeed, we chose it. It's not a popular show here in the country, I just happened to have found it in YouTube when the little miss wanted to watch something about the sea. It is a great show, though. It has valuable life lessons for the kids and the environment.

Anyway, Bean discovered my Pinterest board and happily pinned away with me! She was so helpful up to the last detail. And even when we were setting up her party, she was so eager to help. Actually, I failed to execute most of my plans regarding this year's celebration. I just got so burned out from juggling too many things at once. Well, I have my weaknesses and issues, too! But I will save that for another post. Even the task of printing out free printable party stuff wasn't in the picture.

We have been busy adjusting our schedule to Bean's since it is her first year of school. I have been squeezing in a little bit of party preparations during my free time. And I am glad it was a success! Here are some photos we took last Sunday, Bean's 4th. Enjoy!

 I bake cupcakes yearly for her birthday. I almost didn't! But I couldn't resist since it's her favorite.
I was supposed to provide printable Octonaut characters, but oh well...jellyfish with googly eyes

were a hit with the kids.

       Now this here was a wonderful accident. My mom thought of covering the clutter

with an old shower curtain and I thought why not put some

paper tassels on it to make a photo wall? Pretty, right?

The only printable I was able to print were stickers for the loot bags.

Birthday girl.

The weather wasn't really nice that day, and we have been praying for the rain to stop. Luck has always been on our side since Bean's first birthday. The rain would magically stop an hour before the celebrations...and that luck hasn't run out....yet, thankfully!

We opted to invite fewer people this year because of the menial task of following up with the guest list. Family was the priority and then the regular guests. And I am happy with our decision. I have come to face the truth that letting go of people who do not serve you well anymore is what's best in life. Less stress, honestly.

We opted to set up in the garage this year for a change.

Birthday girl helping in the preparations.

"This is the best birthday ever! Thanks, mom!

Thanks, Dad!"

36" pizza.

Love.

We are so grateful for those who still came in spite of the bad weather.

We appreciate it so much!

It was Adam's great idea to include watercolor in the loot bags!

Not only did it give the kids something to do, but it gave them a chance 

to get creative! :)

Today, Bean had a mini-celebration in school, too. I like that their school asks parents to prepare birthday celebrations for the kids in order to make them feel special on their day. Another thing I like is how they promote healthy eating and practices, too! So fast food is a big N-O! I woke up extra early to prepare ham and cheese egg rolls for the kids with a mini-yogurt drink. I also prepared take home cupcakes for them (made by me, yearly on Bean's birthday...a tradition I wish to stick to). I had a fun but tiring time packing them individually and decorating the boxes with sea creatures. I also personalized the cupcakes by labeling them with the names of the kids. :) We also invited Winter, Bean's cousin to join in. :)

It was nice seeing what Bean does inside the classroom.

Here they are acting out a song.

Winter happily dancing. :)

I also prepared one for Bean.

Not boasting or anything, but she says the cupcakes I bake are the best ever.

Adam and I are very tired after all these; but our hearts are so full. We are forever blessed to have our sweet girl who is pure magic.  We love you so much, Madeleine Bean! Thank you for this great adventure!

where did our baby go

Well, we're here. I never thought babyhood would be over quickly! When Bean was two years old I have already began to feel a little bit blue thinking that in a few years she would be off to school...and now she is.

No more late and relaxed mornings for the majority of the week. Aside from waking our girl early to prepare I wake up earlier to prepare her lunchbox, clothes and things for her classes.

I thought it would be a smooth transition. The school started two weeks of having classes every other day and Bean was doing great. But when school resumed with the normal daily schedule...the crying started. She was doing great last Monday and Tuesday. By Wednesday, I already saw the hesitation on her face during lineup. She was about to cry but she didn't. On Thursday, me and Adam brought her to school and while waiting for the kids to go inside the school, Bean kept hiding behind her dad. When it was time to lineup she burst into tears and cried for me. She held my hand as if the world depended on it. When their class was about to march in, she let go and walked. She walked in even while she was crying. I couldn't hold in my tears much longer so I let them go in the car . Even though our little girl cried she knew well she had to go to school.

At home, we told her how proud we were of her going to school. We told her it's okay to be a little sad. We asked her what was making her cry and i guessed it right! "I miss mama." Oh darn! Well, my heart misses her so much, too. Though a few hours of time for myself is a plus...I can't help but feel empty without her because for years we had a this little world of our own. And now, all of a sudden, something burst the bubble.

But we know that this is the only way to go and all of us can only grow. I have always been a positive parent. I try to be at my best everyday (though there are really bad days, to be honest.)

For the past few days, Bean has been going to school with a smile on her face...and we are just so proud of this little life we've made.

Still Here, Still Surfing

I haven't opened my blog lately and by "lately" I mean in months. It was a harsh summer. I always tell myself to write about it here in this space...but I don't think it will serve me well doing that for now. I am not ready...not yet. But I'm still here. It's true, sh*t happens and life can be cruel but I choose to still live it anyway.

These past few months I felt as if I was bound to lose many things. Aside from the surf, we lost our grandmother. I feel so beat, as if life really let me down yet again. I spent two months in a daze, telling myself it will be okay.

I lost my cousin two years ago (the same month our grandmother passed) and I started to push myself out of my comfort zone ever since. The loss of a loved one is what prompted me to come out stronger because after all, I am very weak by nature. This event in my life is the reason I started to surf. 

And now, two years later, I am back at square one. Another person dear to me is gone. Again, I am left in this dire situation. Again, I feel as if I am starting a new life. And with the swell coming in, I am making it a point to come out stronger, to be better...not only with surfing...but with life.

 JP

 Adam

 Alvin

So we packed our things for our first surf trip after two months. I am happy to be back at the place where I was first pushed into a wave. I had a lot of baggage this time around. A year ago my only worry was looking stupid in front of strangers....this time I worried about losing whatever progress I worked hard for, if there ever was any.

Well, to be honest, my endurance was cut in half. With paddle power, not much (I guess daily Yoga really does help). It was a very familiar feeling. As if I have done it only yesterday. I haven't even reached half a year in the lineup, and I have learned so many things...about people and about myself. And this is one thing I like about surfing, it will teach you a lot about life and reality.

Meryl

It was like a mini reunion with Adam, JP, Tanya, Joan and of course, Bean (plus her ninong Alvin). Time flew by so fast that I find myself right here by my desk looking at the pictures gathered from the weekend. It was a fun, familiar feeling. And I love it, have loved it, and will definitely continue to love it. 

This trip was also for my dearest husband because it was his birthday. I planned a week ahead with Joan on how to make a simple surprise for him. So we bought a few pieces of fudge bars and put "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" candles on it which we put on the bed; so when Adam opened the door, we sang him the birthday song. I hope he liked it. I really hope he did; because I had nothing special to give him, just a little painting with a message. 

I wanted him to feel very special because he is the one who started it all. This constant craving for surf. He would always make sure we have a place to stay in; he would prepare the boards and all the stuff with it, he is the one who drives the car, and he always gives me an extra hand with our little girl.

We spent three days surfing in the morning, and sometimes in the afternoon, too. I have nothing else to say....just that it is indeed one of the best feelings in the world---catching a wave and being able to ride it. I feel so free.

I am so lucky to have you, dearest husband. 

Even if it was your birthday you let me surf first.

When I felt so dehydrated in the lineup and couldn't see well,

you immediately stopped catching waves and helped me get to shore.

You continue to inspire me to become a better person,

a stronger woman in and out of the surf.

Imagine 1.5 years ago I was crying,

because I felt so pressured by you to take that first surf lesson,

After almost fighting

I couldn't believe that I am already surfing with you.

In the line up, 

catching waves all on my own. 

I feel very grateful to you

for believing in me

when no one else does

when I am on the verge of giving up, 

you always tell me that in time

I will get to where I am supposed to be.

And here I am, 

all because you exist.

Me at 30

Me at thirty years old is so different from me in my twenties. I have never been so committed, so active, so loving, so forgiving and many more! I guess marriage and motherhood did me good. Back then I would live for late nights, alcohol and poker; at present I enjoy being healthy, fit and creative. I used to be so conscious whenever I gained weight, whenever my skin gets tanned from the sun...I always used to care so much about how people perceived me. Here are some facts about the younger me:

1. I used to be anorexic.

2. I was very scared to sleep.

3. I was terrified of being happy.

4. I wanted a child but I didn't like the "gaining weight" part of pregnancy.

5. I spent most of my time daydreaming.

6. I am very paranoid about my friends. When somebody accidentally ignored me...I thought I did something wrong.

7. I loved money. I even volunteered to do overtimes and clock in during holidays for more pay.

8. You would rarely see me in flat shoes.

9. I drove fast....and furious.

10. I was hopeless.

And at present (30 years old):

1. I am happy to say that I eat regularly...sometimes more. I have cheat days...but mostly I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Nope, I quit being vegan.

2. I still sleep late...but hey...I sleep!

3. I bask in the sunlight! I make it a point to choose to be happy no matter what the situation. This is something Adam has instilled in me. It did not go smoothly at first...but look where I am now.

4. I did gain around 33 lbs during my pregnancy...but I really fell hard for motherhood that I didn't really notice the "gains" until my old clothes fit just right.

5. Instead of daydreaming...me and my little family are making all our hopes and dreams come true! I used to dream of doing yoga, going surfing, being a good cook, traveling; I am happy to say I/we are able to do these things at the moment (and hopefully until forever)!

6. "I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me; now I look around and wonder if I like them." This quote sums up pretty much of it.

7. I don't care about money... as long as me and my family are healthy and happy I am okay.

8. You'd almost always see me in flip flops or sneakers.

9. I drive safely and carefully. Thank you to my daughter for this.

10. I am hopeful about everything. Though my faith isn't as strong as I'd want it to be...I know that I am getting there.


I guess I've changed a lot because of all the events in my life--good or bad. I got married; had a kid; lost my cousin; I have been happy and sad; I have laughed and cried...I've been a little evil and now I'm all about goodness. Being thirty isn't so bad. It made me see how life is beautiful.

Lately in the City

It's summer...and the world seems to be flat. No surf...nothing; and life in the city made me reflect on some things in my life. It's not very breezy these past few weeks. Our grandmother is in the hospital, and of course, everybody is worried. As much as I/we crave to be by the sea.... our hearts tell us we need some time at home--to rest, to recover, to just be with family and friends. And so.....

I realized that Bean will be going to school this year. That means I get a few hours to myself which sounds nice...but then I get anxious thinking about it because it wouldn't be just me taking care of her and teaching her. What's great about this isn't really having a break from my girl, but knowing that school will feed her curious mind. She never stops asking questions and most of the time our conversations go like this:

"Mama, can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Hey, that's not a nice word, mama. And I said I have a question."

"Oh, sorry. What is it, Bean?" 

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Oh. I think your thinking about the sea."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you like the beach. I like the beach and sea creatures. Did you know that jellyfish can sting you? Then you need to go to the hospital to get yourself healed. But what do sperm whales eat?"

"You know about sperm whales?"

"Yes, mama! Even Orcas!"

So she knows a lot of things about the sea; not just the sea....even animals and how plants are powered by the sun. I think she's smart.

Another thing  I thought about is how to finish the artworks I'm planning to sell or use to start a business since the little miss quit all her naps. I have to get around to doing this!

I also want to be able to improve on my cooking skills and meal planning. Especially because I will be preparing Bean's lunchbox this year. I am excited about this but worried that she won't eat them. She is such a picky eater...so I am taking notes of her favorites.

Taking pictures, capturing moments-- I have been neglecting this side of me that loves documenting life. We have been too busy surfing and I really want to shift my focus on this. So that's another one for my list.

This blog. I would really like to write more in here; and I will be. I have reviewed the contents and noticed that I post about our surf trips mostly and I would like to strike a balance with the things that I place in this space; after all,our life is comprised of more than just the sea!

Two superficial things I also realized: 1. I haven't been taking care of myself in terms of the way I dress. It's always shorts, shirts, tank tops and flip flops! So me and dearest husband have been doing a bit of shopping to update our wardrobe. I couldn't even remember the last time we dressed up for a date! Lol. 2. I am so tempted to get rid of my hair again and sport a sort of pixie! I have done this last 2008 and then 2012...and right now I am pretty bored with my hair....but I am taking my time to think about this because I don't want to regret cutting my hair just because I am bored. Superficial.

Lastly, I have been contemplating on how to get to see my grandma more. I have a hard time finding someone to leave Bean with for a few hours so I can visit her more.

So these are the things in my head lately here in the city. Care to hare yours?